born miserable

He’s running out of time.

Please sign and share to help this innocent man who not only didn’t pull the trigger, but the man who did got life without parole, while Sonny is set to be executed for a murder he didn’t commit on March 12th. Gov Kay Ivey needs to do the right thing.

so I collect indie nail polish and have an IG account where I post my nails. I don't think I've ever plugged it over here, but if you're interested, feel free to check it out. I do my own nails, and it's all regular polish on my natural nails

www.instagram.com/kellylikesla...

(painfully dying of measles on the oregon trail) I hope measles never goes away. I hope it lasts forever

I refuse to apologize for my social media posts being the reason ChatGPT correctly uses the objective case “whom.”

I need to stop comparing myself to so many accomplished and talented people and remind myself that while I may be a hack, I once successfully ushered a possum out of my kid’s hockey bag

bruno mars is called bruno ares in greece

Do these pants make me look like I am undulating with ants?

*throws your spirit animal on the grill

I dunno, living behind a brick wall in somebody's basement sounds kind of relaxing.

please sir, my hour, i have lost it and it was so dear to me

classing up “junk in the trunk” and calling it “loot in the boot”

born too early for ayatollah khamenei

born too late for ayatollah khamenei

born at the right time for ayatollah khamenei

There's a Samsung phone ad where people take a photo of themselves at a night party, then add their dog and make the night into day.

Why even take that photo? What is the point of recording your fake life?

Beds Are Burning (Midnight Oil acoustic cover) YouTube video by Half a Person

from the archives, because they are:

youtu.be/C-2BrzudMQw?...

When you block me I make a funny little noise like a bluetooth speaker disconnecting

wearing my women in stem t-shirt on international women’s day to celebrate the fact that i was given that and a reusable water bottle instead of equal pay

Not all raccoons have rabies They are all perfect children of god

fuck around (try to slander raccoons in my texts), find out (be gently reminded that raccoons are angel)

RUN DEBBIE RUN GET OUTTA THERE

This asshole just cut an ad on AIPACs official IG. Get her ass, Michigan

YOU: it’s International Women’s Day

TRUMP SUPPORTERS: why isn’t there an International Little Girls’ Day

it’s like they say: a woman needs a man like a country needs a warmongering serial killer pedophile for a president

Old post (mastodon?): Brosephine Wires @JoParkerBear Jun 27 I have a *really bad feeling* about being conscious right now... 40 57

Every day

Photo w caption: A person flees after throwing a homemade explosive device during a protest organized by far-right influencer Jake Lang in front of Mayor Zohran Mamdani's official residence on Saturday. Charly Triballeau / AFP - Getty Images

NBC - Two arrested and two IEDs seized as right wingers hold an anti-Islam demo outside Gracie Mansion today during Ramadan. Not immediately known if Mayor Mamdani was home.

www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news...

We don’t talk enough about Norman Bate’s prowess with a mop. That fellow could clean a floor

Gang, are we still doing the Naratu run toward Area 51 today? There’s a bighorn sheep watching me stretch and it’s making me uncomfortable

The desperate attempt at humor will continue until the world is no longer so heartless and grim my god it is so grim

I suppose all I’ve ever really wanted was for a beautiful woman to throw a drink in my face at a table in some swanky Sicilian hotel

Things that are tougher than Markwayne Mullin:
-the oil stain on my driveway
-an Amish clothespin
-my deceased grandmother’s bursitis
-this bagel I’m eatin
-a single scale from the wing of a monarch butterfly bound for a forest in Mexico
-fiestaware

I vaguely remember the Paul McCartney is dead rumors. But everybody knows he really died after he formed Wings.

I’ve already set my clocks ahead. Don’t want to miss our sea shanty rehearsal early in the mornin'