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Jason Roeder

@jasonroeder

Former senior editor, The Onion. jasonroeder.net Out now! "Griefstrike! The Ultimate Guide To Mourning." McSweeney's: http://shorturl.at/bmqOY Amazon: http://shorturl.at/fjPS7

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24.07.2023
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Latest posts by Jason Roeder @jasonroeder

What's his plan for Iran? What was Sandy's plan for New Jersey?

01.03.2026 01:25 πŸ‘ 8 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Wish I knew more MAGA people to cut all ties with.

25.01.2026 02:11 πŸ‘ 33 πŸ” 5 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0
This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t

This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t

I can't fucking believe we're doing this again.

28.02.2026 15:50 πŸ‘ 13786 πŸ” 3340 πŸ’¬ 111 πŸ“Œ 70

Please Los Angeles and please

26.02.2026 15:16 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

We are a few thousand subscribers away from being a bigger print newspaper than the Washington Post.

We are a mere flurry away from humiliating one of the two Big Space Perverts.

Ask not how a Space Pervert can dominate you. Ask how you can dominate a Space Pervert.

Subscribe below.

25.02.2026 16:24 πŸ‘ 7049 πŸ” 1769 πŸ’¬ 112 πŸ“Œ 165
Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House

Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House

Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House

23.02.2026 18:40 πŸ‘ 5000 πŸ” 742 πŸ’¬ 40 πŸ“Œ 33
Preview
Join The Onion Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.

*putting on CEO hat* uhhh prove us even more right! Subscribe to The Onion, get a real-life newspaper in your real-life mail. Feel good about yourself. Give yourself big compliments about being morally right.

membership.theonion.com

23.02.2026 02:18 πŸ‘ 849 πŸ” 62 πŸ’¬ 23 πŸ“Œ 7
photo of Pam Bondi testifying in the foreground as a group of 7 women and 1 men raise their hands

photo of Pam Bondi testifying in the foreground as a group of 7 women and 1 men raise their hands

Likely-historic photo by NBC News of all the Epstein victims asked to raise their hands if they've not yet been asked to meet with the DOJ as Bondi testifies in foreground

11.02.2026 17:15 πŸ‘ 40536 πŸ” 13812 πŸ’¬ 1374 πŸ“Œ 890

Right?

10.02.2026 03:18 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
The Rockford Files Theme
The Rockford Files Theme YouTube video by 11db11

This will work, trust me.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg1C...

10.02.2026 03:03 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

About 3.5 hours away from the sonic boom of 10 million people cancelling their Peacock subscriptions at once.

08.02.2026 23:00 πŸ‘ 4 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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BREAKING: The Epstein survivors are releasing this ad on this Super Bowl Sunday to send the message that they will not β€œmove on” from the largest sex trafficking scandal in the world. #standwithsurvivors

08.02.2026 17:07 πŸ‘ 44541 πŸ” 16951 πŸ’¬ 966 πŸ“Œ 962
The Onion

Democracy Dies Only When The Onion Says It Does.

Become A Member Today.

The Onion Democracy Dies Only When The Onion Says It Does. Become A Member Today.

The chronicle of civilization’s collapse now comes in monthly print editions.

Become A Member. Get The Paper. https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001bfegPAAQ

05.02.2026 00:30 πŸ‘ 442 πŸ” 40 πŸ’¬ 4 πŸ“Œ 2
Preview
The Sinister Minnesotans Collection Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICEΒ  Show your solidarity with the Sinister Minnesotans refusing to back down from the ICE agents currently polluting their great state with brutality, lawl...

Net proceeds from every "Sinister Minnesotans" t-shirt, hoodie, or onesie go directly to community groups helping out in Minnesota. Visit The Onion store now. Wow! Do it. OK bye.

store.theonion.com/collections/...

26.01.2026 02:35 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 2 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Wish I knew more MAGA people to cut all ties with.

25.01.2026 02:11 πŸ‘ 33 πŸ” 5 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0
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A video of Alex Pretti reading out the final salute of an unnamed veteran he cared for until the end of his life in the ICU, posted to Facebook by his son.

25.01.2026 01:18 πŸ‘ 47149 πŸ” 18187 πŸ’¬ 1015 πŸ“Œ 1851

The whole interview is worth it

24.01.2026 20:53 πŸ‘ 5646 πŸ” 2036 πŸ’¬ 60 πŸ“Œ 191
Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE

Net proceeds will be donated to local organizations in Minnesota

Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE Net proceeds will be donated to local organizations in Minnesota

Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE https://store.theonion.com/products/sinister-minnesotans-t-shirt?variant=44569654984773

24.01.2026 19:30 πŸ‘ 1909 πŸ” 495 πŸ’¬ 20 πŸ“Œ 19
Preview
Stand With Minnesota Donation Directory Stand With Minnesota is a hub for supporting, learning, and taking action to support Minnesotans impacted by ICE and federal enforcement.

If you donate money to this and skeet me proof, I will send you a photo of my naked foot standing in my filthy bathtub where I lovingly bathe men before throwing them in my sex basement!! I am NOT joking!! www.standwithminnesota.com

24.01.2026 18:15 πŸ‘ 8 πŸ” 7 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 1
Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE

Net proceeds will be donated to local organizations in Minnesota

Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE Net proceeds will be donated to local organizations in Minnesota

Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE https://store.theonion.com/products/sinister-minnesotans-t-shirt?variant=44569654984773

23.01.2026 23:30 πŸ‘ 1960 πŸ” 467 πŸ’¬ 23 πŸ“Œ 27
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Dr. Jonathan Reiner on CNN ticks through all the evidence we have that something has changed for the worse with Trump's health since October that the White House is covering up

02.01.2026 21:08 πŸ‘ 2672 πŸ” 636 πŸ’¬ 124 πŸ“Œ 29

I may not truly conquer 2026, but, by God, I will bore it to death.

31.12.2025 18:50 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

I refuse to sign off on 2026 until I see a draft first.

31.12.2025 17:06 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

FYI, some restaurants have last-minute New Year's packages where you can squat on an inflatable mini-cushion next to the grease trap.

30.12.2025 18:57 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Apparently, some people were alarmed that my Christmas card was just a photo of me sitting up to my neck in ashes.

23.12.2025 18:31 πŸ‘ 4 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

WATCH: Here's the segment CBS News pulled from "60 Minutes" last night

22.12.2025 22:28 πŸ‘ 2707 πŸ” 1225 πŸ’¬ 62 πŸ“Œ 51

So apparently, you're not allowed to board first for a flight just because you want to leave a trail of rose petals for the other passengers.

21.12.2025 18:21 πŸ‘ 9 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
Preview
Holiday Movies We’re Going to Skip β€œA Child’s Christmas in a Waymo,” β€œAlan Dershowitz Is Coming to Town,” and more.

Definitely NOT going to watch these holidays movies this year!

Today's @newyorker.com

With Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Ted Travelstead

@toddlevin.bsky.social
@jasonroeder.bsky.social
@trumpetcake.bsky.social
Scott Jacobson

www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts...

18.12.2025 15:00 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
β€˜No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

β€˜No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

β€˜No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens https://theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-regularly-happens-3/

15.12.2025 17:21 πŸ‘ 4707 πŸ” 1185 πŸ’¬ 77 πŸ“Œ 36

Humanity's emptiest vessel is just six months away from playing Candy Land with the innovator of an escape-proof immigrant detention fortress.

09.12.2025 16:59 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0