What's his plan for Iran? What was Sandy's plan for New Jersey?
What's his plan for Iran? What was Sandy's plan for New Jersey?
Wish I knew more MAGA people to cut all ties with.
This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Wonβt
I can't fucking believe we're doing this again.
Please Los Angeles and please
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Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House
Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House
*putting on CEO hat* uhhh prove us even more right! Subscribe to The Onion, get a real-life newspaper in your real-life mail. Feel good about yourself. Give yourself big compliments about being morally right.
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photo of Pam Bondi testifying in the foreground as a group of 7 women and 1 men raise their hands
Likely-historic photo by NBC News of all the Epstein victims asked to raise their hands if they've not yet been asked to meet with the DOJ as Bondi testifies in foreground
Right?
This will work, trust me.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg1C...
About 3.5 hours away from the sonic boom of 10 million people cancelling their Peacock subscriptions at once.
BREAKING: The Epstein survivors are releasing this ad on this Super Bowl Sunday to send the message that they will not βmove onβ from the largest sex trafficking scandal in the world. #standwithsurvivors
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Wish I knew more MAGA people to cut all ties with.
A video of Alex Pretti reading out the final salute of an unnamed veteran he cared for until the end of his life in the ICU, posted to Facebook by his son.
The whole interview is worth it
Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE Net proceeds will be donated to local organizations in Minnesota
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Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE Net proceeds will be donated to local organizations in Minnesota
Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE https://store.theonion.com/products/sinister-minnesotans-t-shirt?variant=44569654984773
Dr. Jonathan Reiner on CNN ticks through all the evidence we have that something has changed for the worse with Trump's health since October that the White House is covering up
I may not truly conquer 2026, but, by God, I will bore it to death.
I refuse to sign off on 2026 until I see a draft first.
FYI, some restaurants have last-minute New Year's packages where you can squat on an inflatable mini-cushion next to the grease trap.
Apparently, some people were alarmed that my Christmas card was just a photo of me sitting up to my neck in ashes.
WATCH: Here's the segment CBS News pulled from "60 Minutes" last night
So apparently, you're not allowed to board first for a flight just because you want to leave a trail of rose petals for the other passengers.
Definitely NOT going to watch these holidays movies this year!
Today's @newyorker.com
With Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Ted Travelstead
@toddlevin.bsky.social
@jasonroeder.bsky.social
@trumpetcake.bsky.social
Scott Jacobson
www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts...
βNo Way To Prevent This,β Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
βNo Way To Prevent This,β Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens https://theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-regularly-happens-3/
Humanity's emptiest vessel is just six months away from playing Candy Land with the innovator of an escape-proof immigrant detention fortress.