Ben Hallert

[me plugging wires into backstab terminals terminals on an outlet]

Haha fuck yeah!! Yes!!

[me trying to get wires loose from a backstab terminal to switch an outlet]

Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you absolutely can yell ‘parkour!’ when hopping over a curb or ducking under a railing in public. There’s no law against it, it’s allowed, I’ve tested it.

Hay is grass skeletons

There, I said it

“(…) phenomenal,” says the customer on the conference call.

“Doo dooo do dodo,” I sing in response like a Muppet automatically.

Adrenaline spiking, I verify I’m muted…. I am. This time.

It will happen again, I know it will.

Hopefully the same will be true for the mute status.

Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City It’s so easy to label people these days. From the way folks have been talking, you’d think everyone falls into two buckets: those who voted against...

"From the way folks have been talking, you’d think everyone falls into two buckets: those who voted against the mayor who promised to blow up the city and those who voted for the mayor who promised to blow up the city."

For Valentine’s, I made a little love garden. (KD are initials)

It represents a high point in a design era, that style, and it’s delicious to look at.

The Bear Jew from Inglorious Basterds stands ready to crack open the skull of a Nazi. Caption: “the halftime show Americans need”

My 2020 sign (top), like me, has been getting a little ragged around the edges lately.

Girl, same.

Made a replacement in my shop, hope we both last long enough to see these values return to places where weak, bullying people have banished them.

#webelieve

Shut down my Twitter space bots and the folks still over there are dropping all kinds of wild slurs at me in their quote-tweets.

235,000 people have seen my @bocaroad quit notice so far which is wild, I’ll never have that big of an audience again. Ugh.

But staying would be way worse.

Fuck Nazis.

> but I can't blame anyone who couldn't.

Considering the outcome, I personally feel comfortable holding this group accountable. The president of the most powerful country in the world wants to completely 'clean out' disputed areas and it's important to recognize just how much worse this is.

What I'm getting is that I'm running out of excuses and maybe it's time to really buckle down and learn Python

Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy

Food $200
Data $150
Rent $800
ML-2 mobile launcher $2,700,000,000
Utility $150
someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my agency is dying

When I honk at someone in traffic who just did something aggressively stupid (as in unlikely to be a mistake) it’s not because I think they will care what I, a stranger, thinks.

I do it because if they have a passenger, it might embarrass them in front of someone whose opinion they care about.

Hardware clerk: “Would you like a bag for this little stuff for five cents”

Me: “No need, I have cargo shorts.”

Hardware clerk: [no expression but obviously impressed, their poker face is incredible though]

Me: [proudly waddles out the door, clanking]

My wife is gonna feel SO silly for doubting.

Just passed what I thought was a mime gardening before realizing it was just someone wearing a horizontal black & white striped shirt.

Have they done to fashion what Kaiser Wilhelm did to comically twirly mustaches? (certainly the worst thing a German or Austrian has done to mustache fashion)

Hot take: Aftershave and perfume are just different types of Main Character Syndrome spray

AI ain't bad at anatomy when it creates these grim 'art' horrors, it's telling us directly what horrors await us post-singularity when it has the reins.

Idea: 'Hey Boy Hey Girl' by Chemical Brothers except all the "Here we go!" parts are replaced by Charles Martinet as Mario

[Levan Polkka intensifies]

You can tell a lot about a person from whether they seem to hear an un-written 'Black Lives Matter 𝑡𝑜𝑜' or '𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 Black Lives Matter'.

Bigots project their own weakness of character and assume everyone else thinks the way they do.

At what point in being a fan/enthusiast of someone named ‘cat turd’ is someone expected to have a “are we the baddies?” moment, exactly?

Man wearing costume of a barrel filled either water which he’s soaking in and there’s a sign in the front advertising “Me-flavored water” for 15c a cup.

Come taste m’knees!

GRANDFATHER: whhyyyy have yooou summoned meee from beyonnd the veil of deeaaath?
ME: I wish to tell you, there is a chance Ireland may finally be reunified.
GRANDFATHER: Hooww is this blessed thiinnng to haaapen?

*an hour later*

GRANDFATHER: ... whaaat the fuuuuck ...
ME: Nope. Not finished.

First they kill the pebble watch now the microblog too? Damn, Ambassador Kosh wasn’t wrong.

It wasn’t…BAD… but somehow it felt a little empty. Maybe it’s impossible to capture the emotions and experience of reading that book for the first time as a yute, but it still wasn’t the experience I’d wished for.

Not the fault of sfx or acting, they did well.

Just some missing, ineffable quality.