Mike Trinder

(Accidentally replied to this rather than quoting my own thing. Sorry)

10 print “hi guys it’s me, sentient Bob, the computer”
20 print “how are you today”
30 input t$
40 print “wow that must make you feel terrible, tell me more”
50 go to 30

Guys I’ve written my own sentient ai. Please use responsibly.

The Jimmy Carr story I always think of is when he was ruining someone’s gig years ago while workshopping his laugh to get presenting gigs & got told to stop from the stage because “I don’t come to your shows and laugh”

Available from all the usual online booksellers, or via your local comics shop, or may spontaneously incarnate if you stand under a cold night sky and howl.

Young woman holding a screaming child with captions: "How can a single night wear you down so much? I was finished."

Sleeping woman holding sleeping baby and sleeping axe, with onlooker saying: "But I do know not to wake a sleeping baby... and especially not the axe-wielding maniac she's sleeping on."

Woman screaming: "Mothers are just people!! Weare all people!!! Auugghhh!"

Cover of Golden Rage: Mother Knows Best, showing a woman with a grandma bracelet, hands covered in blood, holding a bloodied knife.

With Mother's Day coming up in the UK, may I suggest getting your mum or grandmother friend a cathartic copy of Golden Rage: Mother Knows Best? She probably has enough candles.

Massive career pivot but respect.

… so after distributing the client we needed to every computer and waiting a few days, we switched the entire office to the Dutch version of Barbie Girl, simultaneously.

Lovely.

We did something similar as a one time prank (because there was no way you could do it twice) after noticing iTunes could be called with a command line argument specifying an mp3 to play, and that it would do so immediately regardless of whether it was running already or not…

I also set the office printers idle display message to “Out of coffee” and “inset 10p to play”, and triggered a full hacking investigation before I could get them to stand down.

People are no fun

Excellent. We got kicked out of the computer room for a week because we created an inter-user messaging system. They had finally worked out that we were doing it by using elevated admin permissions to write files into other users’ directories. We got the password from the bin. It was secret1

Everyone knows he changed his name for the new material

We didn’t even have a phone line in the school computer room and they still believed it enough to get all nervous about whether we should be doing this.

After watching WarGames, a friend and I coded a crude phone dialling screen with beep/boop noises followed by the various prompts from the film and at least 3 mutual friends believed we’d hacked into the US defence network.

It’s sourer than you’d think and the banana/coconut not as strong. Jury’s out. Not sure it’d pick it over some of their other stuff, but it’s interesting all the same.

A can of Vault City’s White Velvet beer. A dessert sour made from bananas and coconut milk. It’s a thick creamy white.

Hmm, they weren’t kidding when they said it was white

FFS. Blood bikes are amazing. My uncle was a blood biker. He died on a blood bike run. Bikers know damned well how vulnerable they are and by extension how vulnerable cyclists are. This is not a good look

Amanda Foreman addresses the camera in her BBC documentary ‘The Ascent of Woman’. A subtitle shows that she is describing a ritual of some kind, saying “And then in the afternoon, the women shouted obscenities”

…and probably with good reason, on International Women’s Day or indeed any other

A grid of nine images featuring a photo of Gail and the designs she creates.

Running a business on your own can be challenging at times.

Today feels like a good day to say that I'm proud of what I've built. And I'm proud to be part of a community of women who are out there doing the same.

Happy International Women's Day.

www.gailmyerscough.co.uk

🔥🔥🔥wanna buy some pottery🔥🔥🔥 (I spent longer on making this than i care to admit)

They say 'no man is an island', and yet...

Electronic music is a genre that was started and shaped by women, so on International Women's Day, here are some Bandcamp recommendations for women making some of the best electronic music you can get today. 🧵

5) she disappeared not long after that and was never found. My guess is she upgraded to trying to take on a fox or a badger.

4) it was never small birds, always things bigger than her she brought in. I had a bunk bed at the time and she woke me one morning having climbed up to the top bunk to show me the severed rabbits head she’d left on my pillow.

The rest of the rabbit I stepped in as I came down the ladder

3) the hallway had curtains over one wall to keep the draft from the front door down. She’d hang on the lining at shoulder height so she could leap out at you as you passed by and latch onto your head.

2) our back garden was a lawn backed by 1/2 an acre of woods. If you went out the back door, before you were half way across the lawn you’d hear the cat flap go. Then the bushes alongside of you would rustle as she stalked you, Jurassic Park style. You’d never know when the attack would happen

… with a dead rabbit half in and half out of the flap, the cat having run out of energy dragging it back to get in all the way in.

The cat that trapped me up a ladder was the most insane, violent cat we ever had. It was called cat because we never got around to naming it. It arrived as a kitten because my dad wanted an to replace our adorable elderly Burmese.

1) A month in we found it asleep exhausted by the cat flap…

“Watcha doing?”

Yeah, that exactly. You can’t lean down or step down over them. You are just stuck there.

It’s really hard to persuade a cat to climb down a ladder.

Can’t actually remember how the situation resolved itself. Maybe I’m still up there.