Christina, mother of spiders

Don't forget to run the dishwasher or else you'll be forced to face the spoons you betrayed by letting the garbage disposal rough them up.

captain anxious and the anxieteers

*axl rose voice*
🎵 Nothing last forever,
Even Senator Markwayne

A sign reads "Please wait patiently for the failure of the system" with Chinese characters above.

our patience has been rewarded

I love dinosaurs but why him? And again, we have several movies that show why this is a bad idea.

Image of T Rex and another dinosaur with insert photo of Elon Musk. Below it says, "Elon Musk wants to build a real-life "Jurassic Park" and bring back the dinosaurs".

Couldn't he just read a ChucK Tingle book instead?

Trump Fires Noem, Nominates Markwayne Mullin To Fuck Corey Lewandowski on Luxury Jets WASHINGTON — President Trump will be firing Secretary of Homeland Security and nominating Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin to take over all of her duties, including having sex with advisor Corey Lewa...

thehardtimes.net/breaking/tru...

Culdezac, the French author, was known for his gritty tales of suburban dad life. His novel, "The Lawnmower of the Valley" is a must read.

Drawing of human shaped figure throwing a smaller figure over a fence. There are 2 French sentences asking parents not to toss kids over the fence. In English it says: French primary school: Parents, stop throwing children over the gate. Parents were literally throwing their children over the lockd 6-foot-high gate. A primary school in Avignon, France, has has to issue warnings to parents to stop throwing their children over a six-foot fence to avoid being late.

French parent: *Yeets kid over the fence* Garde Louis!

The White House just posted a video mixing real footage from the Iran strikes with a killstreak animation from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

x.com/WhiteHouse/s...

As a professional military strategist, I just wanted to make sure everyone has a full understanding of the American strategy in Iran, thank you for your attention to this matter

Assuming that we’re not DELIBERATELY bombing girls’ schools, has anyone articulated about how being not-PC has actually served us strategically or tactically? Like anything articulable or measurable? Or is it just “blow shit up, but with a douchey expression”?

This day in history. 1906. American soldiers and marines massacred hundreds of Moro villagers including children and women. General Leonard Wood took responsibility but in 2016 Philippine president and 76-time murderer Rodrigo Duterte blamed Barack Obama of course.

It's ok. I'm funnier in french.

All's fair in love and war when you're a dick.

Espionage is French for “sneaky motherfucker”

I knew I was musical from a young age when my version of “𝘐 𝘚𝘦𝘦 𝘓𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘯, 𝘐 𝘚𝘦𝘦 𝘍𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦” was voted best in the 2nd grade class at Donaldson Elementary.

Après moi, le déluge, I murmur as another acquaintance who is fond of the word pretentious tells me to leave social media.

Mozart was composing masterpieces aged 5, Picasso finished his first oil painting at 8, and Joan of Arc lead the French to victory at Orléans when only 17, while I just watched my 17yo scratch her eye whilst pointing at a cloud.

I think it’s safe to start blowing the college fund on beer and pizza.

Store aisle shelves stuffed on one side with inflatable ducks faces the other, stuffed with inflatable flamingos.

some shit is about to go down

replacing apple maps with echolocation

INVENTOR OF THE WHEEL: hey give it back jesus

do you ever follow someone and think wow they’re really funny and cool i think i’d like to watch them through their kitchen window

Heater with giant, expressive eyeballs, peering into a bathtub with her little white paws on the lip of the tub. Her body is roughly the size of a shampoo bottle.

I can't get over this picture of Heater. Every time @katmabu.bsky.social takes a bath, she acts like she's witnessing the Hindenburg explosion for the first time. This cat is SIX years old. Pixar-ass cat. I love her so much.

Hot in the way that I glow from within. Fueled by feminine rage and rogue hormones.

Iran Is More Than Just a Target Set Military action—especially unsupported by diplomatic, economic, and information efforts—could make things worse.

Should have listened to Mark Hertling

Fortune cookie: Your next Chinese meal will bring you more cookies! Lucky Numbers 34, 1, 46, 45, 23, 19

Alright so what the fuck

“At the end of the day, she didn’t sound any better than some of these ultra-conservative people who were demeaning Black and Brown folk on a regular basis,” said Rev. Rodney Sadler, a Bible scholar and longtime community activist in Charlotte. “It felt like a betrayal of the utmost.” Cunningham’s comments proved so problematic for Sadler that he said he realized that she was “no longer worthy of being our representative” and he had to run against her. “It drove me to a point of saying, ‘She needs to go, and she needs to go now,’” the 58-year-old pastor, who works at Charlotte’s Union Presbyterian Seminary, told Bolts.

this guy challenged a sitting Democratic lawmaker in yesterday's primary, angered by her pro-ICE vote, and he ousted her 70% to 22%.

boltsmag.org/north-caroli...

finally read uncle vanya, one more thing i can chekhov my bucket list