Craig Almond

“Excuse me. Do you sell barrels?”

Too soon?

Simon Tisdall, the independent-minded journalist who was pivotal in ensuring the Guardian opposed the Iraq war of 2003, is sounding a loud alarm today…

… en route to this arresting conclusion www.theguardian.com/commentisfre...

The flag of my people.

With the reintroduction of beavers and other formally native animals to the UK, I believe that wolves and bears should also be reintroduced, making rambling a much more exciting way to pass the time.

I knew someone who had a racing snail. One day he removed its shell, hoping it would go faster - but instead it made it more sluggish.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of some heights must be in want of having them wuthered.

a barnes and noble display of emerald fennel movie branded copies of WUTHERING HEIGHTS. the sign over them reads: "It's Wutherin' Time!" -- Heathcliff

thought you probably needed to see this

Wow.

Packed and ready, with my walking kit all set to haul into work tomorrow. Ready to catch the train up to the lakes in the evening.

Is this what being organised feels like?

Because it feels like I've forgotten something tbh.

Picture of a tub labelled "jar full of soldiers". Below is a still of Lydia Bennett looking thirsty.

stole this off reddit for the very niche group of you who will enjoy it as much as I did

Inconceivable...

Surround yourself with the kind of people who find the Oxford comma to be illuminative, beautiful, and necessary.

The image features a man dressed as a bearded Viking warrior wearing a metal helmet. The overlaid text follows a repetitive structure that emphasizes reducing the number of "battles" one takes on: "Pick your battles." "Pick fewer battles than that." "Put some battles back." "That's still too many battles." The humor stems from the irony of a fierce Viking—a figure traditionally associated with frequent warfare—giving advice on how to avoid unnecessary conflict.

⚔️

Inviting path above Loweswater

Just 117 days until the nights start drawing in again. You're welcome.

cartoon drawing of someone trying to clean their glasses on their shirt. she holds it to the light. still dirty. frowning. “no” “may your enemies’ glasses be always smudged, and their shirts the wrong type of fabric ♥️”

a mundane curse #comic

The vampire rabbit from opposite the rear of Newcastle Cathedral. It's a stone grotesque that's been painted black with white eyes and red claws and teeth.

Can I interest anyone in a vampire rabbit?

A while ago I wrote an irritated post that I now can’t find basically pointing out that if you’re going to make law to give people in a vulnerable position (employees, tenants, etc) extra rights, they need to take effect *right now* or bad shit happens. Anyway, it’s this:

Keema police, arrest this naan...

Yeah, if it's one, we can guess around it. Two, and I'm just mashing nonsense words in blind hope.

sorry to say but that's a ....naan starter

Noted tartan owner winds bum tight after arrest! (6, 11-7)

bored now. arrest another one

Screenshot of guardian news story. Picture: Peter Mandelson Headline: Global Counsel calls in Administrators, blaming Mandelson maelstrom

Awww man,

What a day to bury good news...

I know it's pushing it "Early Modern", but I'm quite sure there's a precedent.

Give us a day off like when the arseholes get married.

Missing an N

I must have the same condition

Meringue peaks

Cultural confusion. We’re watching an Australian baking show, and everyone is cheering for the creation shown below.

Which is really odd, because we thought most Australians boo meringue.

Hate Tebay services. Just lots of weird overpriced snacks and red-trousered Barnaby types. Tip: park up but walk over to the Esso for normal crisps, Pepsi Max and a bag of Haribo.