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Call for urgent law change after ladder snaps and ends electrician's career Joffrey Bogemans bought his ladder from Amazon and fell 4.5 metres onto the ground.

That can’t be the bloke’s real name. Probably a pseudonym to protect him from the wrath of the Big Ladder industry.

metro.co.uk/2026/03/13/e...

Vape shops!

A Kindle showing the book cover for Alex Michaelides’ book The Maidens.

#14 - The Middens. Why do I start reading books that I know I’m not going to enjoy?

There should be a law that if you park on double yellow lines I should be able to burst your tires. POP POP POP POP!

Go away Dubai. No one likes you.

Heh heh heh. Kicked in the dicks.

And he’s really not caring for Peter Jackson, is he?

A Kindle showing the book cover for Chris Whitaker’s book All The Colours of the Dark.

#13 - I get the feeling that The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and To Kill A Mockingbird might be Chris Whitaker’s favourite books.

Telling myself that it’s ok to have pizza two nights in a row because oven pizza is a totally different food group.

I really do not care for the OG Space Jam.

I love hanging a washing out in the early morning spring sunshine and it starts steaming like a giant dug turd.

A Kindle showing the book cover for Denise Mina’s book The Good Liar.

#12 - Struggling with this yin.

It’s not art unless he has his willy out.

This is exactly the sort of mad shit I expect my Nicolas Cages to hit out with.

What a lovely balmy Glasgow afternoon.

“Now I am become sweaty, destroyer of comfort” - J. Robert Sweatyhammer

I judge an antibiotic not by its effectiveness, but by how needy it is. Four times a day? Lose a star. Empty stomach? Lose a star. Makes my pee smell? Lose a star.

Taxi driver stank to high heavens, but didn’t try to talk to me. Five stars.

A film about beavers and not one fanny joke in the whole thing. Utter woke nonsense.

A Kindle showing the book cover for Denise Mina’s book The Long Drop.

#11 - The Lang Drap by Dennis Minor

Mentos chewing gum, total boakmeister. At least it’s not spearmint, the Prince Andrew of chewing gum flavours.

Having to go and see Pixar nonsense Hoppers at the cinema this weekend because apparently “Scream 7 isn’t suitable for a five year old, you freak”.

Tracey Champmanager will be joining us later with her new song Talkin’ ‘bout a Football Revolution.

A Kindle showing the book cover for J.K. Rowling’s book The Casual Vacancy.

#10 - Who doesn’t love a BBC adaptation tie-in cover?

We all still ram cotton wool buds into our ears even though we’re not meant to, don’t we?

Rest in peace, Kilnockie FC manager Gordon McLeod.

A Kindle showing the book cover for Louise Penny’s book Bury Your Dead.

#9 - These books have been great for teaching me Québécois French swears. Tabernak!

Roman Batbin is my confirmation name.

The people on Goodreads that leave reviews for books they’ve not finished deserve a double prod in the areolas. Two Peter Pointers, poke poke.

The people on Letterboxd that don’t rate the films they watch deserve a real deep prod in the belly button. The kind that makes you a wee bit boaky.

a silhouette of a man in a cape is flying over the earth ALT: a silhouette of a man in a cape is flying over the earth

My favourite scenes in the Superman movies are when the big lad juices himself up on the sun. That’s what today feels like.