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Moldy Pumpkins

@moldypumpkins

Tin foil hats protect aliens from reading your shitposts

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30.05.2025
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Latest posts by Moldy Pumpkins @moldypumpkins

This asshole in his "thin blue line" mask

This asshole in his "thin blue line" mask

"I never shoulda left my bible-thumpin' cousin-fuckin' queer-bashin' book-burnin' union-bustin' meth'd-up water-trash hometown for this"

28.01.2026 06:56 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0
I have been extremely disappoint with the lever of customers services

I have been extremely disappoint with the lever of customers services

I am deep sorry that my lever of customer services did not leave you satisfy

05.01.2026 17:52 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Fuck Peter Thiel

18.10.2025 19:50 ๐Ÿ‘ 4 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Brutal ๐Ÿ˜‚

18.10.2025 19:06 ๐Ÿ‘ 3 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Could've been a bit more brutal if you ask me

18.10.2025 16:06 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Way to take one for the team! Hope your face heals up well!

18.10.2025 15:40 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

๐Ÿ˜ข <wipes tears with hundred dollar bills>

18.10.2025 15:38 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Definitely a net positive for Antarctic researchers though

18.10.2025 15:29 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Hitler would've got a commuted sentence today. He'd be serving light duty in a white-collar prison and guest-starring on podcasts.

14.10.2025 01:54 ๐Ÿ‘ 3 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Last night I had a nightmare I was about to be executed for treason. My accusers had an axe and a chopping block ready, and the way I worked through my fear was to be like, "Dudes, that's so inefficient. Like, have you heard of guillotines? Y'all ain't cutting shit with that setup."

14.10.2025 01:13 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Seriously, you're not impressing those science fair judges with a sevenfold poster board. It just looks messy

14.10.2025 01:07 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Oh you're having car problems, eh? Let me take a look

...

Yup, as I suspected. I have no idea what's going on.

14.10.2025 00:44 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 1 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I think they're just pretending until enough time has passed so they can feel safe talking shit

09.10.2025 01:30 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

who the fuck is amoeba earnhardt

08.10.2025 03:33 ๐Ÿ‘ 136 ๐Ÿ” 21 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 6 ๐Ÿ“Œ 1

Dude same, they really could've had breakfast but chose not to

07.10.2025 19:02 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Mine is probably Castaway

06.10.2025 21:06 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I don't think Wyoming should exist as a state. There's not enough people there. We should give it to Colorado

03.10.2025 15:57 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

It's just "hard", where giving every user account a small internal table of hyperlinks is trivial.

I shouldn't call the people who work hard here goobers but then... I CANT EDIT IT, CAN I??

#editButton. Also a drafts folder would be nice, with autosave. Hate when bsky scraps my post on app-switch

09.09.2025 04:13 ๐Ÿ‘ 9 ๐Ÿ” 1 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Always willing to lend a hand for free breakfast ๐Ÿซก

19.07.2025 17:56 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Maybe you should only listen to audiobooks when you feel sexually satisfied. Just imagine your reader is trying really hard to impress you with their intellect, because the sex was middling at best and they know it and feel ashamed.

18.07.2025 02:45 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I wanted to know what you were referring to, did not disappoint ๐Ÿ‘Œ

15.07.2025 23:42 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Post a book you love from the 70s

This book is a heartbreaker. As a military brat, I could relate to some of it, but it's a lot harder than my childhood ever was. But I can empathize a little with the strain and clash of beliefs between father and son.

14.07.2025 16:09 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 1 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I can nazi what you're implying here

13.07.2025 19:07 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Yes, but is it the kind of place to raise your kids?

13.07.2025 18:33 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Very chill, it trusts you

13.07.2025 00:17 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

The phrase 'every corpse that's come my way' has gotta be the best euphemism I've heard ๐Ÿ˜‚

12.07.2025 22:01 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 1 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Look at me down here, all helpless

12.07.2025 21:49 ๐Ÿ‘ 1 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Waiting until 5 o'clock to snort adrenochrome. I didn't work today, I just want to wait until the appropriate time of day to do drugs so people don't think less of me.

12.07.2025 21:46 ๐Ÿ‘ 2 ๐Ÿ” 1 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 2 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

I'm just gonna move forward assuming that everyone you DIDN'T mention after that rhetorical question IS in the Epstein files...

12.07.2025 21:36 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0

Ooh, you put up glow-in-the-dark NINJA stars...
๐Ÿคฉ

12.07.2025 21:33 ๐Ÿ‘ 0 ๐Ÿ” 0 ๐Ÿ’ฌ 0 ๐Ÿ“Œ 0