A d a m

"He gets way down on that knob. He wants the width."

A real quote about Aaron Judge

How can a sentence throw me, an uninvolved reader, into a depression

Uh oh, Strip Law is very good

I get excited whenever I see a slice on a fluted paper plate

Hell yes I love to hear that

You, too, can complain for years about how bad your leg swelling is and then finally have your dr change one medication and it's cured overnight

My ANACONDA don’t want none.

Hi, I have learned that the dishwasher

a) has a filter
b) really really really needs to be cleaned or else you're gonna have a bad time

If you would like to purchase a Nintendo Entertainment System, Super Nintendo Entertainment System, Nintendo GameCube, or Nintendo 64 please inquire within.

WE MADE THE PAPERS 😭 😎 😭 😎 😍 😎 😭 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄 🀄

I ate a salad for lunch and I'm kinda pissed how at how much better I feel at 5 pm than usual

How much of your leg hangs in mid air when you use a recliner?

Hey @stephenking.bsky.social does it ever piss you off that you spend months - sometimes years - crafting gripping narratives filled with complex characters and rich ideas only to have me read them in like two days?

Does everybody else have this guy?

Someone saying "I got ammonia" is maybe the funniest thing I've read this week

I've seen ROOKIE OF THE YEAR like twenty times and just now caught this

"Bottom nine. Two out. One on. Full count.

Rowengartner takes a long look at the runner at second.

Strike one!"

Watching the world series rn. Gotta get prepped for season 21

@mrgraygrove.bsky.social show of the spring right here

Single man completely fucks up his taxes after not making changes after becoming single. really cool awesome mistake

Now, St. Louisans: before you think this is me being critical of The Arch, I'm not saying "never go back up in The Arch." I'm just saying skip ONE of your Arch trips and come see my show instead. I think that's me being reasonable.

The Arch is great, but let's face facts: has it ever won a WEBBY?

Who up cramping their toes?

If you're like, normal and well adjusted, please don't click my Instagram story. There's never anything good for you there

Recently began tracking my stress levels and this notable dip in stress is so funny to me because that’s when I was at Costco getting a hotdog.

Why am I watching gone girl

Damn

The noises I make as I get into bed are not flattering

Yeah I'm gonna stick with it. There were parts I was into so far, I figured this only gets better

I spoke too soon. Some alien just threw a thing at a guy and he turned his head into water to dodge it. Some little kid with a butt for the top of his head threw it

I see these screenshots and wish I could read japanese