Five iPads

An anthropomorphic egg wearing a topcoat, bow tie, and vest. It’s Humpty Dumpty, before he sat on the wall, and before he had his fall. Since being an anthropomorphic egg is considered by most U.S. health insurers to be a pre-existing condition, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are nowhere to be found. They want nothing to do with Humpty Dumpty, who, should he have an unfortunate accident, will have to go to Urgent Care and pay out of pocket like the rest of us.

DUMPTY2.BMF

this is the most stressful game ive played in a long time. pokémon dwarf fortress.

THIS IS WHY IM TOO SCARED TO LEAVE THE STARTING AREA

like made out of dog poop on the sidewalk?

ive seen normally good-take-havers complain about it divorced from mamdani though! i think people genuinely don’t consider cause and effect when it’s something immediately displeasing them.

omg i was not for real mad at you!!!! im sorry.

people aren’t messier in the snow, the invisible people who do the labor of keeping the streets not-disgusting just weren’t at work!!!’

ok im actually getting more mad the more i think about it. everyone is saying there’s so much trash in nyc—because of snow madness i guess? no there is the same amount of trash, the overzealous supers just couldn’t do their jobs!!!! welcome to the delicate balance of living in a society!!!!

it feels like im careening into “defending the bad guy” territory but how do you even know its ONE LADY. it could even be a DIFFERENT lady and then YOU turn into the “pick up your pee” person.

the “telling me to pick up dog pee” epidemic is much realer to me than the dog poop epidemic. i would say it’s a weekly occurrence.

i don’t care that this seems like a deranged take. someone on my block just yelled at me for putting a tied poop bag in their curbside trash can and last week a lady told me to pick up my dogs pee! again! we don’t need more dog poop hysteria!

me to everyone lately: i should just buy like five mac minis right now just in case, right?

i feel like i have been inundated with this dog poop discourse and i have not seen a marked increase in dog poop on the sidewalk at all whatsoever and i feel like i am personally being gaslit.

i'll never unsubscribe from the food industry newsletter. how else would i be the first to know about protein doritos.

(meeting chat of webinar): you guys hear about any cool parties? Any afterbinars?

google search results for the term “getto ass witch” leading to the song “ghetto ass witch” released in 2011 that’s just the most cringe shit of your life.

“it’s so embarrassing that the youth are nostalgic for the early 2000s”
i have seen the future and it is even bleaker.

the joke of course being that i thought "mullin" referred to "nick mullen" which also only worked before i googled how to spell nick mullen.

i was thinking something like, "i'm glad [memorable character from a cumtown bit] is finally ascending to their rightful place in american politics" but i couldn't think of a memorable cumtown bit.

i feel like that only works in a pre-TAFS world.

bluesky trending topics, 1. "mullin appointment."

trying to formulate a joke that's like "nick mullen" but it's not coming to me.

folks. they fixed it. i did what i needed to do. i ate leftover delicious soup, poured a glass of wine, and i am about to embark on my pokopia journey.

i broke something at work that only my coworker knows how to fix, and while i know they will be back online soon and they could help me fix it from home, i know the millisecond i walk through the door of my house nothing will tear me away from pokopia.

oh that's good. that's devious.

when i had pneumonia last year i went to urgent care and they told me to go to the er cause they couldnt test for pneumonia godspeed

i don't wear a helmet because i haven't worn one for my entire life and i feel like if i start it will invite bad luck.

it looks like something my grandmother would have made right before she REALLY started to get dementia.

i would actually eat a couple bites of that before throwing up tbh

Op-ed: How I gave up alternating current Soylent founder Rob Rhinehart shares his thoughts on extreme sustainability.

am i the only person who remembers the soylent guy put his shirts in the freezer instead of washing them for whatever reason arstechnica.com/gadgets/2015...

omg i hope they're going to be okay while i'm gone. i'm worried about them.

i grab a tshirt out of the freezer.