schweg,

do you think dinosaurs had penises or cloaca? 

U.S. citizen detained for 3 years says he 'lost everything' and hopes to rebuild René López, who obtained U.S. citizenship as a minor through his naturalized mother, spent years proving that was the case after the government said he wasn't a citizen.

René López, who obtained U.S. citizenship as a minor through his naturalized mother, spent years proving that was the case after the government said that he wasn't a citizen.

Currently maintaining an optical illusion that I'm sitting at my desk at work when in fact I'm at home with Floyd and all I used was a sack of potatoes, two mirrors and a paper clip.

you
gotta
look
the
burrito
man
in
the
eye

Was looking through my old posts for bangers to recycle and someone must've deleted them all

a man who is stoned off his mind on dayquil right now

hello from my bed of sick

i’m home sick today

not some wi-fi burrito

3 panel illustration of a person who opens a book that says how to make money, and inside it says work so they start crying

me

Today I Will Look The Burrito Man In The Eye and other stories of manifesting success

Pretty pathetic, huh? Well, you'll never believe this, but that llama you're looking at was once a human being. And not just any human being. That guy was an emperor. A rich, powerful ball of charisma. Oh, yeah! This is his story. Well, actually my story. That's right-- I'm that llama.

I had four last names by the time I was 12, and the man whose last name I currently bear was a professional psychic who ALSO used to hook me up to an audio-visual entrainment and cranial-electro stimulation machine to try and “jumpstart my mental evolution.”

shouldn't have taken them at their word, but I did and now my follow-up fixes i was making because i assumed the issue was on our side have to be redone completely

oh my god

when i first started working on this issue at work i'm stressed the fuck out over, i called out that it looked like our processing partner didn't process my previous corrections right...

they reassured me Twice that they did

They. Did. Not.

Upsetting flatware continued

no tips, but i’m definitely down

if anyone has any hot tips on a big score hmu, i’m bored, unemployed, and out of fucks. no cops! i am coated in fentanyl, if ur a cop you will die

a lot of people write off Ennis as a shock jock writer who wants to offend people, which to some degree, but his work actually is a lot deeper than that. He really had a finger on the pulse about the teenage edgelord toxic masculinity thing way back then and really wanted to snap people out of it

a piece of American cheese holding a line of Jack Links “jerky chew” to resemble a joint that’s going to be rolled up. there is a can of the Jack Links jerky chew next to it

blaze it

march fourth to nuclear holocaust

march fourth to Where, tho?

i forgot the lego game devs made a lego game without the legos

march the fourth be with you

funnily enough, this is partly due to it being a cheaply made game by the devs of the various Lego games, so it just uses the same mechanics, including smashing Everything

i'm just hoping their flawless logic doesn't lead them to:
"oh no, we're out of our regular death machine stuff... guess we gotta use nukes now"

still from the rooftop party scene in Independence Day

oh no...

happy birthday 🎉

Today I am 46. AMA.
💀🩷

live action Line Rider