Beyond solo masturbation, there are countless non-penetrative partnered options (even non-genital-focused options!) that need more airtime and that the book will get into.
02.02.2026 00:32
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Beyond solo masturbation, there are countless non-penetrative partnered options (even non-genital-focused options!) that need more airtime and that the book will get into.
These 300 character posts can't even begin to cover all the areas and nuances that make up asexual sexuality. The asexual sex-ed book I'm (very slowly) writing will dive deep into masturbation in particular because it's such an important topic that's so often set aside and minimized.
That view is wrong and is harmful to everyone, particularly asexuals. Masturbation can be fun and fulfilling and is a full sexual activity in its own right. We would all be better off if masturbating weren't so stigmatized and looked down on.
It treats masturbation as a practice step, a substitute for The Real Thing™, and looks down on it. They say that people who do it are only doing it because they can't get anything better, and that everyone who does it is dreaming of the day their genitals get involved with someone else's.
What I've found is that a lot of the conversation about masturbation isn't really in a language that many aces resonate with. Most of what's out there, tends to be something like "Think of someone you like or put on some porn, reach down, and 😉", which isn't very helpful.
Some people fantasize about other people getting it on. Fandom ship going at it? Might as well join in. Some porn performer look like they're having a good time? It's not a self-insert "stunt cock/wish I was there" situation, but rather a form of empathizing with/enjoying their pleasure.
Some people fantasize about faceless, nameless people having sex with them, or maybe even just the parts that would be involved. So, instead of imagining that hot redhead from the coffee shop going down on them, it's that *someone* is going down on them and it doesn't matter who exactly.
Why would someone who's not sexually attracted to people respond to porn and the like? To oversimplify, it's that they may find the idea of sex to be "sexy" and arousing, and that helps them get off.
For many aces, masturbation isn't about acting on attraction (although it may be for the demis and the grays). However, many aces DO use porn or other erotic media and may fantasize. There's a word called "aegosexuality" that describes this apparent disconnect.
One of the top reasons is that it feels good, but also to tame periodic horniness, "test/clean" the systems, relax and de-stress, because they're bored, to play with a partner, to perform for their cam audience, etc. There's no "wrong reason" for an asexual to masturbate.
It is often the primary (if not the only) sexual activity that an asexual person engages in.
Aces who masturbate do it for many reasons, typically the same kinds of reasons that non-aces do it.
It surprises a lot of people to learn that many asexuals do masturbate. Not all of us, but many of us. I think a survey found that while the overall rate of aces who do is less than for non-aces, and that the frequency also tends to be less, we still run the gamut from never ever to 2+ times a day.
Saw this post come through on the Asexuality feed, and since it's basically what this blog is about, I figured I'd respond.
[Content Warning: The linked post is accompanied by a photo of a person masturbating with a penis. I'm not sure if BSky will put a preview here...]
bsky.app/profile/scru...
2026 is a good year for me to work on that asexual sex ed book I've been talking about...
2026 is a good year to accept that asexual people can take part in sexual activities of all sorts, alone or with a partner, if they want to.
2026 is also a good year for asexuals to explore their sexuality, if they want to.
2026 is a good year for aces to say no to all of that too, if they want to .
The exercise of making these lists puts everyone on equal footing and forces them to have a conversation that most people aren't having. Maybe that conversation will lead to finding something that works for everyone. Or maybe that conversation will make them realize they're incompatible.
In my asexual sex ed book, I plan to focus specifically on negotiation and what compromise really means: What do you want, what's a hard no, and where is there some wiggle room? I'm going to push Want/Will/Won't or Yes/No/Maybe lists as an important communication tool.
There's always tradeoffs and boundary setting. And when those aren't respected, it's clearly seen as coercion and toxicity.
But when there's asexuality involved, that all goes out the window. Disregarding boundaries is dismissed: ~It's not fair to your partner! What about ThEiR NeEdS?~
All sex for everyone, ace or not, is made up of dozens of compromises. Non-ace people do this all the time and don't even think about it. No relationship is ever going to be in such perfect sync where everyone involved wants exactly the same things in exactly the same way all the time.
So often, when I see people talking about asexuals having sex, they'll use the word "compromise", when what they mean is "capitulate". That there's no acceptable outcome other than the ace giving in and going along with everything their partner wants.
Which is completely ridiculous.
White letters that say "Libido" over a purple background and the logo of the Ace Community Survey Team (four squares colored with the asexual flag colors. The last one has a white tick over it).
This question used a Likert scale to answer how strongly respondents rated the strength of their sex drive/libido on a scale of 0 to 4, with “0” being nonexistent and “4” being very strong. When asked about sex drive/libido, 17.3% of ace respondents rated theirs at a “0,” or nonexistent. About twice as many (37.6%) rated their sex drive/libido at a “1,” while 27.2% rated theirs as a “2,” 13.4% rated theirs at a “3,” and very few ace respondents (4.5%) rated theirs at a “4.” Non-ace respondents contrasted sharply, with about a quarter (24.8%) ranking their sex drive/libido at a “4” (very strong), and 41.2% at a “3.” About a quarter of non-aces (23.6%) ranked their sex drive/libido at a “2,” and 9.6% ranked it at a “1.” Very few non-ace respondents (0.8%) responded with “0” or nonexistent libido.
This question used a Likert scale to answer how strongly respondents rated the strength of their sex drive/libido on a scale of 0 to 4, with “0” being nonexistent and “4” being very strong. Among asexual respondents, about one in five rated their sex drive/libido at a “0,” or nonexistent (19.7%). In comparison far fewer graysexual (6.3%) and demisexual (4.9%) respondents ranked theirs at a “0.” Fewer than one in ten respondents across these groups ranked their sex drive/libido at a “4” (very strong), ranging from 3.7% of asexual respondents to 7.5% of demisexual respondents. The majority of asexual, graysexual and demisexual respondents ranked their sex drive/libido at either a “1” or “2” (64.7% of asexual respondents, 71.1% of graysexual respondents and 68.6% of demisexual respondents).
This question used a Likert scale to answer how strongly respondents rated the strength of their sex drive/libido on a scale of 0 to 4, with “0” being nonexistent and “4” being very strong. Among aro ace respondents, about one in five rated their sex drive/libido at a “0,” or nonexistent (19.8%). In comparison, just over one in ten ace but not aro respondents (12.4%) ranked their sex drive/libido at a “0”. The majority of aro ace, and ace but not aro respondents ranked their sex drive/libido at either a “1” or “2” (61.7% of aro ace respondents, and 69.1% of ace not aro respondents).
How strong is your sex drive/libido, typically?
#asexual #asexuality #ace #acecommunitysurvey #demisexual #demisexuality #graysexual #graysexuality
You ever seen Dr. Strangelove? These people think it's a documentary.
Unfortunately, no. It's weird manosphere bullshit born on the dark corners of Reddit, where porn is an evil conspiracy designed to make people masturbate, which in turn makes them less manly because whenever semen leaves your body it takes all your testosterone and manly essences or something.
This asexual, for one, plans to honor this month with at least two orgasms a day because why not? And I encourage you all to have as many or as few as you wish and not give a fuck what those fascists are doing.
Reminder that "No Nut November" is an anti-masturbation cult's ritual practice that escaped containment and not something that should be mainstreamed and DEFINITELY not something that should be tied to asexuality in any way.
Is there a good hashtag on here for asking questions about sex that'll get the attention of "sexperts", sexuality educators, or sex researchers, etc.?
I'm willing to answer questions people have about asexuality!
Also, yesterday was apparently National Orgasm Day, so here's a reminder for those who could use it: Asexual people are allowed to have and enjoy orgasms.
New high score! I have not had sex for 8280 days, beating my previous record of 8279 days, set during the Bush administration!
