augh

Chorus of people goin Auuuugh over it maybe

Bumbling sorta poorly synthesized trombone doing farty little serialist lines that overlap and exponentially pick up in speed/volume to form a THX noise wall

fake windows 95 dialog superimposed on a smaller win95 desktop: Scheduled Horse_ Moment.Exe Please stand by for a scheduled Horse Moment. You will now contemplate and reflect. This is a time of seriousness. You currently have scheduled Horse Moments turned on. You can not change this in settings.

a technology we can all be excited about

Pictured on left:

A vacationing Jeff Bezos, who developed Amazon with a 245 thousand dollar loan from his parents

Pictured on right:

Jeff Loan, who developed a stomach bezoar after eating 245 persimmons while on vacation with his parents in the Amazon

I don't think we should be asking the war machine's opinion on war.

the little machines of the world sicken me

80s buddy cop film in which chopin and schubert are frozen in the austrian alps in 1829 and then defrosted at the 1915 world's fair in san francisco, subsequently settling in LA and forming a detective agency. schubert's first name is canonically 'Dave'

t-shirt that says MERCURY SEX IS THE BEST SEX surrounded by blobs of liquid metal

the democrats are like if your house is burning so u dial 911, then 2 days later a dog dressed as fireman shows up wagging his tail 12:49 PM · Dec 14, 2016

i'm disappointed but not shocked that this time capsule from 2016 is not only still true, but maybe even more true

The Citizens: Heyyy could you please use that money we give you to help us live decent lives instead of spreading misery destruction and death?? 🙏
The Evil Empire: You ignorant fucking welps. You ungrateful little shits 😡

amend the constitution to require that dismissed government employees announce their departures via 16 bars rapped over a BOSS Dr-55, filmed and uploaded to YouTube, TikTok, and Threads

I can't possibly care how spotless my dishes are right now, Cascade.

Read the fucking room.

Some sprouted potatoes on a counter next to bananas, soy sauce, some manner of plumbing tool or fidget spinner, basket, etc

Imagine being a potato and sprouting and it turns out you're just on a counter next to some bananas. Like a ruined orgasm I'd reckon. Worse even

They should stop coming out with guys who suck shit

Leading everyone out onto conversational peninsulas and abandoning them there

Moment you realize there's no navigable route between what you just said and anything else any other person might reasonably say

Need oxygen? There’s a Prodigy song for that. Bitch acting up? There’s a Prodigy song for that. Groping your way blindly through a dark and hostile world? That’s right, there’s a Prodigy song for that

Every problem can be solved by some combination of tummy time and a gun

What’s up with evil lordlings and their contraptions. Just flay him normal style bro

Bro is holding these truths to be self evident 🤣

Some say the canaries still work down there, and on true crime nights with no sitcoms you can hear them cry like the phoenix to say just kidding, laughter

fave to shelter under Old Sam's apotropaic umbrella; repost to contribute 5% of your gdp to our collective defence alliance

If you smell toast, you might be having a stroke... a stroke of luck that is. It’s toast time.

Is there a monastery where you can bring your girlfriend and your cats?

Drums on more chain makin me bounce aroubd

a headlight lamp is illuminating the interior of a limestone cave from a canoe, there are flowers and some other objects arranged on one of the formations

leave me in this cave camp to die with only the bats to comfort me, or until they get bored of me and ask me to leave

they're turning me evil tomorrow. they claim it's to "thicken the plot"

Killing me softly with her gun

internal hemorrhaging is just weakness leaving the body and entering a different part of the body