Phil Cheesman

Three panel comic of two people talking. Text reads: WE INVENTED A ROBOT THAT ANSWERS QUESTIONS WE JUST HAVE TO FEED IT 10 BABY GIRAFFES A DAY BUT IT ANSWERS THE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY? OH MY GOODNESS, NO. NO NO NO NO NO

This comic is sublime
mandatoryrollercoaster.com/post/8081046...

Bananaman FTW!

If you look carefully and squint a bit you will see I sign the letters I send to you from my job in a bank as superhero alter egos like Clark Kent, Tony Stark, Arthur Curry and Peter Parker and once as Eric Wimp. 19 years. Not one complaint. I'm changing to WWF wrestlers soon.

George Plimpton. Co-founded the Paris Review, boxed Sugar Ray Leonard, drank with Hemingway, Fireworks Commissioner of New York, wrote Paper Lion, wrestled Sirhan Sirhan to the ground after he shot RFK, cameos in over 30 movies, often as himself, and much more.

“That’s the last time I play the tart for you, Jerry”

it was the breast of times, it was the wurst of times

Argh. Now I've lost the packaging for my anti-stress medication. I don't know how much more I can take.

I'm a vicar in a small rural village. I could never say this to my flock because of the outcry, but Reform are blatantly opposed to genuine Christian values and it's clear that anyone considering voting for them has not been listening to a single word I say each week

The 15th Anniversary Escape Pod book, but the typefaces makes it look a bit like ESCAPE POO.

I think one of these books would benefit from a different font.

My daughter was sent home from World Book Day because she’s had her appendix removed

Magnificent. I’d be so proud.

I always return to Bob Monkhouse’s one - “when I told my family I was going to be a professional comedian they fell about laughing. Well they’re not laughing now!”

Roxburgh Castle on the banks of the Teviot at Kelso.

“Camelot!”
“Camelot!”
“It’s only a model”
“Shhh!”

22.00 FILM: SNICKERS MAN Updated remake of the 1976 Dustin Hoffman thriller.

There are people on this site too young to get this. Not you lot of course, you're all fine.

If you want to stage a tribute to The Fall in your back garden and you need a huge tent, call a marqueesmith.

Ugh- missed this despite having signed up, but it’s probably just as well, since I know the game and never got hugely far with it… :o)

To: All Staff
Subject: Marketing

We've rebranded the Murder Hornets as the Buzz Kills™️
Please note updated signage in the apiaries.

My old man's a thermos
He wears a thermostat

Top marks for this Glossy Jeff 😎🙌

Eisenhower

Who wore it best? World Book Day at Bedford Girls School.

Like you said, a sickness… think of my poor family! :o)

Apparently "the nudie dancer" from Roald Dahl's Tales of the unexpected is not an appropriate character for World Book Day.

- singing the Eagles to satsumas “seedless easy peelers”
- shouting “not you” when everyone is going to do something (niche @marcusbrig.bsky.social GW-H ref)
- shouting “now get out” at the end of something (best when it’s gone really quiet) like Spike at the end of The Last Goons
I could go on

I know it's World Book Day, but I'll probably just wait for World Film Day.

Women can talk for medals, men too little. My wife spends 8 straight hours talking in her den with her best friend, then talks to her for an hour on the phone!
My best friend took a year to tell me he'd split from his missus.
We need to average it out.

“Select all squares containing J D Salinger books” - CAPTCHA in the Rye.

I used to work with a bloke called Ewan Huzami. Lovely man, but always getting into fights for some reason.

[Scene is THE OSCARS. On stage a PRESENTER CELEBRITY is about to announce Best Director.] PRESENTER: And the winner is Mr Director, for… Let's Just Bung It On Streaming. [Huge applause. On the screen behind him, a movie poster comes up. It is a Cinema Paradiso-style poster capturing the romance of cinema - a young boy beneath a movie projector beam, his rapt face illuminated by the image onscreen, while a design of movie film loops around behind him. The title is LET'S JUST BUNG IT ON STREAMING.]. [A typical grey-haired, bearded DIRECTOR comes on stage to accept the award. The rapturous applause stops as he goes to speak, pinching his fingers together meaningfully as he goes to speak]. DIRECTOR: Thank you. Thank you. Y'know... When we were making this picture I said to the studio, "I'm not making a movie here. I'm writing a love letter... ...to bunging it on streaming." [HUGE BURST OF APPLAUSE] DIRECTOR: I want people to experience this like real cinema. A communal thing... Where you pause it every time someone needs a wee Or mum wants to look up "what's that man been in". I want this movie to just turn up one day on your TV And you don't even know whether you're watching tellu or a film for the first 30 minutes. I want to make literally one promotional poster... And put it on one bus stop... Behind the Screwfix in Bedford. [HUGE APPLAUSE] [Ends]

I have a huge fondness for those moments in 90s sitcoms where they answer their mobile phone and it looks like they're unfolding a deckchair.