Monkey One

Well, I am definitely having hard tacos for lunch today, but I’m going to the local hole-in-the-wall.

I like how none of the qualities listed about Elon are true.
- Did not invent PayPal. Worked on the team that programmed it.
- Did not found Tesla. Bought it.
- SpaceX was about getting tax money that used to go to NASA.
- No hyperloop.
- Elon CONSTANTLY dooms. Every day.
- Made the world worse.

Somebody need some lebensraum?

Goddamn I hate that cutting back calories and exercise actually works. I want to smoke something that burns fat instead.

Thanks to YouTube I used to do this at the office.

It should be illegal to increase an employee’s responsibilities at work without also increasing their pay.

Thomas & Percy are crying from the heat & corroding from sand but the Foreman keeps whipping them on an endless back & forth death-march, for god & country

I love to throw supply chains into chaos with tariffs and then run through all my bombs and ammo on the assumption that I can just buy more but oops! I also, as I said, fucked with a bunch of supply chains and now they’re saying two years or more to restock me? oh shit we need our bombs right fuckin

OK, I don’t have photoshop, but imagine Thomas the tank engine and all his friends hauling oil through the deserts of Oman and the UAE.

Sam Altman

Peter Thiel

Alex Karp

Elon Musk

All of our real life villains look like the bad guys from 80s action movies.

See, we wouldn’t have any problems at all with the Strait of Hormuz if we hadn’t chickened out after the Hindenburg Disaster and all our cargo was being ferried by rigid airships. Can’t mine the skies.

The Editorial Board skeeting, “Where are the campus protests now? It’s not like Trump has stopped helping Netanyahu killed Palestinians. He dropped a bomb on a displacement camp yesterday. Followed by an article about the bombing. He has turned replies off.

He has turned quote posts off.

@editorialboard.bsky.social, turn your replies and quotes back on, you little weasel.

America is really good at dropping things and going really fast in the air and really bad at planning for things like actually protecting American lives.

You cannot tell voters (accurately) this is a fascist regime that is hell bent on destroying us - let alone rely on it (as Dems are) as your GOTV while also voting yourselves to enable the regime.

I just feel so bad for his family. You know he must be terrifying to live with now.

I kind of want to know what was worse than Epic Fury.

Happy to hear the Chinese Century is going to be based on solar and wind power.

They’re going to mine me, guys.

Investigation went like this:

“You got that tracking data for our missiles?”

“Yup.”

“Did one hit a school?”

“No, two did.”

“OK, let’s go fishing before we report this.”

He did declare war done but also not done but pretty much soon to be done soon.

The conservative mind thinks that meme is funny because cats are dying and a little girl is crying.

Did someone explain to Hegseth that naval escorts are only really a deterrent when the entity you’re trying to deter doesn’t want to provoke a war with you? When you’ve already openly declared war on them, you’re just serving up missile targets.

One day a reckoning will come.

FUCK

The fact that I can get a variety of regional bubble teas in my tiny Texas town at a place that also makes donuts is what makes this country great.

If the Dems who win in the 2026 midterms get squeamish about prosecuting this administration, we'll need to elect a bunch of new people running on Nuremberg shit for 2028. This isn't a joke. It's the law. It's justice. Biden let Trump back in the WH and this happened because Joe didn't do his job

He’s too far up his own ass to see how cliche it is for a professor to write a sniffy opinion piece linking customizable coffee orders with societal atomization.

All stock exchanges are basically trading in memes, but this is still excessive.

They should very publicly offer to do just this as long as Kilmeade gets on the boat with them.