Tongue Scraper

I'd let you ruin me.

Just a little bit.

Googles how to unsay the stupid thing

Some of my best work is still pretty terrible.

wanting to cry while at work is a whole experience

Look, I am going to need speakerphone to go away. Don't tell me you have no idea how ear buds or headphones work. If you use speakerphone out loud, people hate you. Same with keyboard clicky clacks. Are you a fictional cow trying to get heated blankets in the barn at the farm? Turn that shit off

You have really nice legs (respectfully).

There's a just the tip joke here somewhere but I can't find it.

They must be thigh haters.

Hopefully they never find out I kind of like it

The women in my life are bossy as heck.

One apple per day can keep a lot of people away if you aim really well

Wife: The dog chewing on her paw sounds so annoying.

Me: Just pretend I'm talking and you won't hear a thing!

True love in this dystopian hellscape?
How exquisite.

Choose a word. Think of it. Keep it to yourself, noone cares.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day, dude?

I fear I may be suffering from restless mind syndrome.

Somehow this isn't adult content according to Bluesky.

Back on my bullshit and lifting again.

*pushes symptom back into my body* not now

Me too. I'm all in now.

Hard to reach places? You mean like, enlightenment?

If you're happy and you know it, ew

Idk man. People seem to like bullying you on here so I think I'm already cooked by association. 😂

Is that my new brand name from toes?

Ew, no.

*motions to everything*

DO NOT slander my boy! He's the only thing making me feel better about going bald.

We all know you'll still be a potty mouth

Years ago I gave someone on Twitter 500 dollars to keep the electricity on in their home for them and their kids. They offered to pay me back but said it would take a while and I eventually dropped it and said don't worry about it.

I don't regret it at all but boy could I really use the money

At a point in my life where materialistic things really don't matter anymore and it's honestly so freeing.

[inventing the hot air balloon] I don't give a fuck where I go