Tickled Catastrophe

And so, in summary, fuck everything

Different angle, showing the lead-up:

My emotional support animal is just a rotisserie chicken.

lol at the tourists in dubai being like ‘what do you mean i took my vacation at The Neiman-Marcus That Kills You’

the thing about comedy is that im really worried nothing will ever again be as funny to me as Space Ghost Coast to Coast

First of all, I wish to address the rumor that I like to be milked like a cow because my breasts are filled with delicious, wholesome milk.

That rumor is untrue.

I like to be milked like a viper.

In America, the phrase "work-life balance" refers to how fast you can eat a burger while crying in your car

Man: I don’t like tattoos on women

Me: so what I’m hearing is you like tattoos on men

Maybe someone choked him.

B/W image of a person in a shapeless gown. The person's face is totally hidden by a large mask shaped like the sun - with radiating rays - which has small eyeholes and a very wide smile that's somewhere between shy and alarming. (Digital artwork by @_gordiart_ on Insta)

Monday Mood
Spreading sunshine and light

When you taste what you're cooking and it's so good your head starts moving back and forth like a chicken

You can eat off my kitchen floors. Mostly because of the amount of food on them.

doing the parachute activity again like in kindergarten would fix me

I have never seen a politician more directly copy this speech in my life

trying to make sure i’m eating enough vegetables so tonight i had carrot cake for dinner

microdosing my childhood by watching the united states start a war in the middle east

I don’t romanticize eras that have worse plumbing.

Hey just chilling watching my 534th historical event in real time wondering if i should make my mortgage payment

unclench my jaw so all of my teeth can fall out no thank you

The prophecy is unclear but it involves posting cringe

storefront sign, all it says is SHOE LIQUIDATION

fascinated by imagining what goes on in this building

I sold my soul but the economy got so weird the devil gave it back.

Take to the backroads and let them know you mean meandering

congress sounds cool i wish it was real

A mug depicting KC Green's This Is Fine dog comic, but tragically faded

I've had my This Is Fine mug so long that the dog has become a ghost and all that remain are flames

4loko and seven years ago

Taxidermy stripper squirrel on a pole

Girl, where’d you get those shoes?

*dissociates into omelette*

Alex Pretti was a colleague at the VA. We hired him to recruit for our trial. He became an ICU nurse- I lover working with him. He was a good kind person who lived to help and these fuckers executed him.

White. Hot. Rage.