Greeneville Zoo

To: All Staff
Subject: Marketing

We've rebranded the Murder Hornets as the Buzz Kills™️
Please note updated signage in the apiaries.

The lemurs can take care of themselves

The lions, tigers, wolves, bears, rhinos, leopards, and chimps got out. We don't really have a plan but we're confident it'll be ok.

Delete your account

YOU'RE TELLING US A MINK STOLE A JACKET?

Poster about the different types of the animal "TAKIN" which is a large, goat-antelope native to the Himalayan mountains and western China

Get your tickets for the launch party of our brand new Takin habitat, “Look Who’s Takin!”

NOT TODAY

Please don't ask the penguins to dance. They're not in the mood today.

If your child falls into the gorilla enclosure you’re gonna need a new child. We only have the one gorilla.

Their bonobo was just trying to gtfo of Redville.

Greeneville isn’t just a zoo, it's also a rehab center. We’re weaning the meerkats off fermented berries.

Yeah. What's wrong with you?

Imagine two cows having sex. Now imagine them wearing tiny hats. What's wrong with you?

The lemur is an Eagles fan and you must be ok with that.

It's free, but you must accept the totality of the lemur, including the disgusting grooming rituals.

They have a groundhog that can predict the weather?
Big deal.
We have a lemur that can help you live an authentic life.

When one of our animals loses its shit, we hit them with a tranq dart until they calm down.

#SOTU

We have an existential hippo

The Aquatic Sensory Deprivation Tank Experience has been discontinued since one of our hippos freaked out and saw God.

Our antelope herd has gotten bigger than planned. Come teach your children about death this Wednesday.

Reminder: Any visitor attempting to provide coffee to the sloths will be banned for life.

The Zip Line Adventure through our giraffe enclosure has been discontinued after several of the giraffes were knocked unconscious.

Redville polar bears have dad bods

No. They're messed up.

We gave helium to a parrot to hear if it talked funny but it just squawked 'what the fuck?!' as it floated to the ceiling.

If you're visiting the rodent exhibit you should probably run. We don't have a rodent exhibit.

The lemur cannot grant wishes. Do not attempt to free the lemur.

Flamingos are terrible gamblers. The standing on one leg thing is a horrible tell.

That's creepy, dude, real creepy.

To: All Staff
Subject: Ted Danson's Hair

Ted Danson's Cheers era hair will be on display in the mammal house through April and move to the aviary for nesting season.