Benny Feldman

We used to listen to water from the hose

Jim Carrey hacking into a guy’s phone by doing his face

Don’t take comedy seriously dude. All I said was you look like a bloated whale. It’s just a joke. Sure, I’m calling you ugly and fat and I mean it, but it’s just meant for everyone to laugh at you about

It’s just a joke dude. It doesn’t mean anything. Information has no coherent structure . Ideas don’t touch reality

Whenever new knowledge is carved over the architecture of reality, I’m like bro… I was still reading that …

Obviously jokes have an underlying actual meaning. Obviously obviously obviously. If you call someone a whale, you are calling them fat. Of course elements like context and irony matter. But those change the meaning, they don’t take meaning away entirely

I’m contemplating that

I’m in Kansas City and havin some BBQ . Why cant more cities’ special local food be like a green smoothie that makes me feel good

Teleportation Nephrology - Can get you a new kidney immediately

Divination Oncology - no more guessing who is gonna win

Voodoo Urology - Even tinier camera goes into the doll’s urethra

Lightning Family Practice - can zap the whole family at once

Healing Magic but for big Pharma

After a lot of feedback from friends and family, I’ve decided to halt my nuclear enrichment program

Sure you could watch the airplanes at the airport. Or you could watch all the crazy little weird special trucks and cars

We’re leaving woke behind with woke 1. Woke 2 is gonna be all about 2

And when I ask it, I am still kidding to be clear

Scrooge McDuck is an example of nominative determinism, as he did in fact grow up to be a Scottish Duck

This is both a joke as well as something I have legitimately said on multiple first dates

My go to first date question? Do you fuck with Rock and Roll

If I was a zookeeper, I would give a spare key to every animal somewhere inside the cage. If they can figure it out, they deserve it

One of the coolest parts of Tourette's is I get to cuss without sin

The shaking and clicking and such is Tourette's and therefore reflects my true beliefs

Two things can be true. Three things even. But no more

I can't help but shout out to the Tourette's community

I have a new Tourette’s tic where I move things with my mind

*getting down on one knee and pulling out a ring*

*putting it away and standing back up*

Whoops, sorry, new Tourette’s tic

One thing about Tourette’s is it takes all the fun out of hunting me for sport

Sure I have Tourette’s . That doesn’t make me any less of a gamer ,

You can misbehave as much as you like in a circular classroom. The Teacher has no where to put you

Sir!! It's the Pooplers!! They have us shitted!!

Witch Doctor choosing a speciality, goes into Fire Elemental Cardiology

There should be a Fire Island for closeted