Wikipedia has a page for every type of gambling. Poker, slot machines, horse racing, you name it. They know the history, all the rules, the biggest casinos, even the laws. No wonder they're always asking for money
Commenting on a friend's awkward childhood picture "Trama Plot Vibes"
A ship in harbor is safe. Nice and safe. All snuggled & tucked in <3
Duck penises are like a crazy corkscrew. And duck pussy is apparently really complicated like a labyrinth. That's probably why they like breadcrumbs so much. It’s how the males pull out, they use a trail to find their way back out of the maze
We used to listen to water from the hose
Jim Carrey hacking into a guy’s phone by doing his face
Don’t take comedy seriously dude. All I said was you look like a bloated whale. It’s just a joke. Sure, I’m calling you ugly and fat and I mean it, but it’s just meant for everyone to laugh at you about
It’s just a joke dude. It doesn’t mean anything. Information has no coherent structure . Ideas don’t touch reality
Whenever new knowledge is carved over the architecture of reality, I’m like bro… I was still reading that …
Obviously jokes have an underlying actual meaning. Obviously obviously obviously. If you call someone a whale, you are calling them fat. Of course elements like context and irony matter. But those change the meaning, they don’t take meaning away entirely
I’m contemplating that
I’m in Kansas City and havin some BBQ . Why cant more cities’ special local food be like a green smoothie that makes me feel good
Teleportation Nephrology - Can get you a new kidney immediately
Divination Oncology - no more guessing who is gonna win
Voodoo Urology - Even tinier camera goes into the doll’s urethra
Lightning Family Practice - can zap the whole family at once
Healing Magic but for big Pharma
After a lot of feedback from friends and family, I’ve decided to halt my nuclear enrichment program
Sure you could watch the airplanes at the airport. Or you could watch all the crazy little weird special trucks and cars
We’re leaving woke behind with woke 1. Woke 2 is gonna be all about 2
And when I ask it, I am still kidding to be clear
Scrooge McDuck is an example of nominative determinism, as he did in fact grow up to be a Scottish Duck
This is both a joke as well as something I have legitimately said on multiple first dates
My go to first date question? Do you fuck with Rock and Roll
If I was a zookeeper, I would give a spare key to every animal somewhere inside the cage. If they can figure it out, they deserve it
One of the coolest parts of Tourette's is I get to cuss without sin
The shaking and clicking and such is Tourette's and therefore reflects my true beliefs
Two things can be true. Three things even. But no more
I can't help but shout out to the Tourette's community
I have a new Tourette’s tic where I move things with my mind
*getting down on one knee and pulling out a ring*
*putting it away and standing back up*
Whoops, sorry, new Tourette’s tic
One thing about Tourette’s is it takes all the fun out of hunting me for sport
Sure I have Tourette’s . That doesn’t make me any less of a gamer ,
