bryan (Taylor’s Version)

do you think after the whole business with the ring frodo went to boromirs grave and was like, “so actually it WAS pretty simple to walk into mordor”

microdosing being boiled in a witch’s cauldron by using the shower after my wife without adjusting the temperature

sometimes you have to take a moment to unplug, give yourself some space from the craziness of everyday life, focus on your breathing, and ask yourself “am I creating enough value for the shareholders?”

My emotional support animal is just a rotisserie chicken.

im going inmate mode. straight genpopmaxxing

getting guiltymogged by the legalchads

people who check their follower count hoping for it to go up are using bluesky wrong. the way to use the follower count is to see how fast you can make it go down with your posts

someone call the vet because these pythons are sick (in the head)

jury foreman: your honor we would like to sentence the defendant to death

your honor some may call it disturbing the peace but I prefer to think of it as doing hot girl shit

that’s literally everyone I follow my nights are booked wall to wall

So when seagulls eat it it’s food but when I eat it it’s garbage? How is that fair?!

banning users with posters madness is ableism, it’s obvious they need to post in order to function

microdosing being boiled in a witch’s cauldron by using the shower after my wife without adjusting the temperature

after the bombs fall and we all have to go back to hunter-gatherer society I just want you all to know that I’m pretty good at climbing trees

they should invent problems that go away if you ignore them long enough

yeah

this is sick, nice job

and the inevitable corollary: if you’re hanging out with different people than you were yesterday those clothes are still fine

reviews are in and the critics are raving

what if instead of meat you were filled with bees. just so many bees smashed in there crawling over each other and if you get a cut then a few fall out. that would be pretty fucked up

similar to the “royal we”, it’s always appropriate to use nonspecific second person in your skeets, a construction I like to call the “bluesky you”

before kids: bathroom

after kids: restroom

when a man uses the 🤣 emoji you know he’s the maddest he’s ever been in his life

soliciting more and more advice from different people until it agrees with what I already believe like a boss

“like a boss” except now it refers to being clueless about the industry you’re talking about and making terrible financial decisions that won’t affect you personally

a typewritten note that reads: they're not distractions. there's just lots of horrible shit going on at once. you can walk and chew gum at the same time. you're an adult.

I think about this one almost every time I have fizzy water

I’m told jellyfin is the new thing

never understood why people are afraid to like or repost their own skeets. I can’t help that everything I write is timeless and iconic and needs to be read by every single person on this site