Letting an account I just followed smell my hand before I riff in their replies
06.03.2026 22:29
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Letting an account I just followed smell my hand before I riff in their replies
well i hope filling up the car today gets me through the next year or two
temp got above 70f today so it's ballcaps 24/7 from here on out
🫵 ✊ 🍻
It takes 64 eggs to make 80 matzah balls. Please use this information only for good.
Can't wait for $8/gal* gas here in SoCal
*(currently $5.39/gal near my house)
Today I Will Look The Burrito Man In The Eye and other stories of manifesting success
This is actually fine: I'm remembering how to survive on canned beans and cake frosting (free with coupon).
Me last night: “If I’m going to have any hope of getting everything done that I need to tomorrow, I need to swear off bluesky for the day.”
Me this morning: “Oh, look, another person liked the video of my dog!”
The subject of the first email in my inbox today said, “Hi Nichole, what will life be like ten years from now?” and like, why are you ruining my Friday morning like that?
Not to brag, but according to my junk mail, I've been selected for over 253 million special offers
(turning a big rusty crank) let’s fire up another day here on the bullshit machine
The desperate attempt at humor will continue until the world is no longer so heartless and grim my god it is so grim
Zen monk: Goals
Do you ever not think?
baja blast bidets
Me on dates: "Did you know medieval people bathed, vikings didn't have horns on their helmets, Hugo Boss didn't design the Nazi uniforms, the beaked plague doctor mask didn't exist during the Black Death, Moors didn't introduce soap to Europe, Napoleon didn't shoot the nose..."
In 1971, the LA Dept. of Airports still had high hopes that an international airport would be built in Palmdale.
This promo is like something out of The Simpsons. Left to right, you have busy LAX, then Ontario, then regional Van Nuys, then bare-ass tumbleweed desert in Palmdale.
Once you hit the 30’s threshold you begin casserole maxxing
🫵 ✊
I ate an inadvisable amount of cheese.
Isn’t fifty bazillion one serving? We are talking about deviled eggs after all.
I know 🧐
Deviled eggs on a
tray. How many can I eat?
Forty bazillion
Some days I wish I was a smoker (no, not for meat...well...maybe)
Just cleaned my feet with a Lysol wipe. Have at me, bro.
Come to H&R Block and let one of our experts raw dog your taxes.
🤓
Markwayne Merkin
