Wife, trying to schedule an oil change: Do I have 4-cylinders or 6-cylinders?
Me, who knows zero about cars: Just split the difference and say 5.
27.02.2026 00:54
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Wife, trying to schedule an oil change: Do I have 4-cylinders or 6-cylinders?
Me, who knows zero about cars: Just split the difference and say 5.
Yeah, this one miiiight have been a VO audition file. 😂😂😂
Anyone else misspell their own last name today?
Pretty cool he took time away from tormenting Dick Tracy to grant an interview.
Just played everyone’s favorite game: “Find Your AirPod in 10 Inches of Snow.”
#WWEUnreal
Just took such a hard nap that I'm not sure I wasn't clinically dead for a half hour.
Smooth #arcraiders
My gift wrapping ability is a lot like my improv shows...
Sometimes hilarious and no two experiences are ever the same.
I move to officially declare December 22 “Christmas Threeve.”
Calling my shot on this one. #voiceover #IYKYK
I didn’t realize missing bedtime was an obstacle to overcome.
I mean with such a personalized outreach, how can I possibly say no?
"The slow clap scene from Cool Runnings."
“What’s your greatest weakness?” Hate. This. Question.
“I’m not trying to criticize him, but there’s student driver, and this guy was like a…”
Last I checked, burning is painful.
Oh this last name of mine…
Let me think about this one…
Legit…that is the actual best idea.
Rockstar should probably just not announce a date until the date. #GTAVI
(Uncle Dan and Niece play their own version of Rock Paper Scissors where they make up whatever they want.
Uncle Dan: Shark
Niece: Straw. I win.
Uncle Dan: Why do you win??
Niece: Pollution.
My niece is five years old.
C'mon phish-bot, don't beat yourself up like that.
“Sir, this is an Apple Vacations kiosk.”
Meeting your comedic hero in your own hometown is pretty damn cool. @pattonoswalt.bsky.social
Narrator: The food item in question was, in fact, chicken.
I really didn't know anything about Foxy Shazam before the season started...and now I've been listening to them non-stop. Thank you for introducing so many of us to their genius!
I'd rather select crosswalks.
