Wife, trying to schedule an oil change: Do I have 4-cylinders or 6-cylinders?
Me, who knows zero about cars: Just split the difference and say 5.
Wife, trying to schedule an oil change: Do I have 4-cylinders or 6-cylinders?
Me, who knows zero about cars: Just split the difference and say 5.
Yeah, this one miiiight have been a VO audition file. πππ
Anyone else misspell their own last name today?
Pretty cool he took time away from tormenting Dick Tracy to grant an interview.
Just played everyoneβs favorite game: βFind Your AirPod in 10 Inches of Snow.β
#WWEUnreal
Just took such a hard nap that I'm not sure I wasn't clinically dead for a half hour.
Smooth #arcraiders
My gift wrapping ability is a lot like my improv shows...
Sometimes hilarious and no two experiences are ever the same.
I move to officially declare December 22 βChristmas Threeve.β
Calling my shot on this one. #voiceover #IYKYK
I didnβt realize missing bedtime was an obstacle to overcome.
I mean with such a personalized outreach, how can I possibly say no?
"The slow clap scene from Cool Runnings."
βWhatβs your greatest weakness?β Hate. This. Question.
βIβm not trying to criticize him, but thereβs student driver, and this guy was like aβ¦β
Last I checked, burning is painful.
Oh this last name of mineβ¦
Let me think about this oneβ¦
Legitβ¦that is the actual best idea.
Rockstar should probably just not announce a date until the date. #GTAVI
(Uncle Dan and Niece play their own version of Rock Paper Scissors where they make up whatever they want.
Uncle Dan: Shark
Niece: Straw. I win.
Uncle Dan: Why do you win??
Niece: Pollution.
My niece is five years old.
C'mon phish-bot, don't beat yourself up like that.
βSir, this is an Apple Vacations kiosk.β
Meeting your comedic hero in your own hometown is pretty damn cool. @pattonoswalt.bsky.social
Narrator: The food item in question was, in fact, chicken.
I really didn't know anything about Foxy Shazam before the season started...and now I've been listening to them non-stop. Thank you for introducing so many of us to their genius!
I'd rather select crosswalks.