SwampLizard

Mine would literally look identical; you’re right, this is a good screener for people who are likely to annoy me in a particular way

“Do you need to do a number 1 or number 2?”

“10”

We need a more permanent solution

Literally just trying to get clicks from people opening the article long enough to see a name. They’re not even interested in informing people. One step away from “Are you a Trump-type Personality or a Kamala? This one weird habit may provide a clue.”

Wait, you can move goods over land?? Have we (humans) tried this?

*while at the same time praising Trump for doing something he isn’t and giving him credit for understanding something he doesn’t

“How can I repackage the most basic, traditional lib opinion in a way that’s more antisemitic and somehow insults trans people at the same time” idk if this was his goal, but if so, he nailed it

A satellite image of the Strait of Hormuz with the silhouette of the guy who got trapped in Nutty Putty Cave photoshopped into it.

Why do you think I’ve been in there so long

The irrational shame of informing a stranger who is knocking on the door to poop that you are, yourself, currently pooping

We finally made a WebMD with the ability to talk you into suicide.

So many people think I’m playing it up when I drink coffee mid morning then take a nap

It’s not like these are our children we have to “be fair” to. Tons of companies do terrible things. Boycotting what you can, when you can, still sends more of a message than nothing at all. Why are you taking people’s shopping decisions personally?

You shouldn't ever believe anything axios prints. Like literally nothing. Don't even post it as if it's legitimate in any case no matter what they're talking about because they're not legitimate and they're not credible.

“Not Ready for Prime Time.” A Federal Tool to Check Voter Citizenship Keeps Making Mistakes. The Department of Homeland Security pushed out the revamped tool while it was still adding data. That led to widespread misidentification, particularly for citizens born outside the U.S.

A federal tool to identify noncitizens on voter rolls keeps making mistakes.

“This is not ready for prime time,” a county clerk in Missouri said. “And I’m not going to risk the security and the constitutional rights of my voters for bad data.”

With @texastribune.org

It’s a very lazy move, but I’d be lying if my basic primate brain didn’t adore these novel and exciting ways to pack more calories into already borderline deadly foods

Hot honey is the new bacon ranch. We need a food chain brave enough to make everything hot bacon honey ranch, the final stage in the evolution of franchises adding simple ingredients to pre-existing menu items solely for the ad campaign

I know it’s a big ask but we gotta find somewhere else to get the world’s most mid quesadilla

Wearing my ADHD medical tag so employees understand why I’m at the wrong drive thru window and can help reunite me with my family and food

A book titled “Upgrade Your Vagus Nerve” by Dr. Navaz Habib

Subscription models are getting out of hand.

Quoting my reply because it’s an old post but this movie slapped. Watch it if you haven’t.

I realize the risk I am taking in sharing this with you all, but it’s okay. I am willing to be the Edward Snowden of Surveygate.

A text message: Are you in a secure location? This is a classified Trump impeachment survey for you. PLEASE RESPOND PROMPTLY >> t.stoprepublicans.org/EVynXgxJ Stop2End

We are mere months away from DNC texts claiming your phone has a virus.

I don’t think we should burn it *all* down, but if we do, there’s no sense in wasting an amazing opportunity for s’mores you know

Ticker showing ~1% drop in DOW index, as well as downward plunges for every other stock, with the top article (1 hr old) discussing why stocks are remaining stable.

I never paid close attention to the stock market pre-Trump, but it’s consistently clear how much “market reporting” and “analysis” is complete BS. The number of times I’ll see realtime data in direct contradiction of the article narratives (in either direction!) is genuinely more common than not.

“The stock holders say that they’re happy with the present level of profit and efficiency, we can go relax. We won the economy.” Words you’re never gonna hear.

Either I’m a genius society-understander by immediately predicting this outcome, or I was born more than 1 day ago.

Our economy is sustained by constant growth. No added AI efficiency is itself going to reduce human work. No added growth is ever the end, or good enough. There is no finish line.

Tbf, in 2024, we were paying high egg prices due to intrinsic inflationary pressures as well as maybe some kind of market collusion. Now we’re paying these higher prices in exchange for the patriotic pride we can take in shooting tomahawk missiles at little girls.

A sticker of Trump pointing to the price on a gas pump saying “I did that”

First one seen in the wild. Does not feel cathartic at all, just kinda wish none of this was happening.

This entire admin is Trump saying “the solution is easy, let’s just do the obvious thing,” and then one week later, going “oh fuck, this wasn’t easy at all.” You keep hoping that it will register that there’s a reason things have been done the way they have, that he’ll learn. But alas, psychopath.