Matt Fallaize

An all-timer. Lovely stuff.

Thank fuck I'm a chef and won't be able to even look at my phone until gone 10.

The only way to decide this is fkr the LRB to supply with a range if animals, starting at pygmy shrew and finishing at, say, horse, and we'll see how far along I get. I reckon okapi. But I could be having an off day, and tap out at a mere otter.

That's not a column, *that's* a column etc

Shitposting cakeism? Here for it, but yes.

Both Rews off to the 100 as well as all the usual suspects. Doubt we'll even be able to put a team out for the Metro Bank. Never mind playing the kids, it's nicking them as well #Somerset #cricket

There is not enough mockery, or clips round the ear, on Earth for these twats.

One grandad was a shipwright, the other spent WW2 as a cook in the RAF, but he was also the cricket team's umpire, so he spent most of the war in the West Indies having an absolute whale of a time.

Oh v good

I'm tempted to pop back to X purely to suggest Archie Gray as player-manager and watch a bunch of numbskulls run with it. Reckon I could have them pushing it on LWOS by next week.

Hahahaha, yeah this could go south quite quickly.

Hey Gestapo, we're not that type
Don't believe van Dijk

Daniel Craig gif

Straight outta Jordaan
Crazy motherfucker named Anne Frank

I had an (exceptional) meal at Manchester's Yang Sing years ago where I ordered a seafood dish (to my shame I can't remember precisely what) and the waiter said "Uh, that's not really for guys like you, it's really seafoody".

Quite literally sterling work.

I just get exasperated eyerolls when I do that sort of thing, and she married me *despite* it.

£5 Marco
£10 Marco
£20 Marco
£50 Fergus

£5 Coco
£10 Sonny
£20 Harry
£50 Dele

£5 Captain Tom's Daughter
£10 Purple Aki
£20 That depressed oompah loompah
£50 The chocolate bar promo that Anthea Turner did at her actual wedding

£5 Larkin
£10 Hughes
£20 Raworth
£50 Purple Ronnie

£5 One badger
£10 Two badgers
£20 Three badgers
£50 Three badgers, but in top hats

£5 Ben Stokes
£10 Nat Sciver-Brunt
£20 Denis Compton
£50 Sydney Barnes

£5 School Disco
£10 Fete
£20 Fair
£50 Going your Nan's

£5 Stella
£10 Robinson's Barley Water
£20 Bovril
£50 Nice cup of tea

£5 Mallard
£10 Garganey
£20 Shoveler
£50 Surf Scoter

£5 Charles Hawtrey
£10 Bernard Bresslaw
£20 Kenneth Williams
£50 Joan Sims

This is an idea with legs.

£5 Wren
£10 Sid James
£20 cartoon cock and balls that everyone draws when they're ten £50 that bloke with a flare up his arse.

Ridiculous country.

Greenwood being on that list is a sad indictment of the sport.