gary

I want to see other CEOs eat their products. Google CEO eats a computer. Airbnb CEO eats a pillow

I want to work at a cat cafe, not as a barista but as a cat.

I make a great first impression but then gradually go insane.

😂😂 I DID take a break from bsky but it was a couple posts after this... should've timed it better

“confirm your identity” computer i wish i could

Unstable but in cute way

who just straight up drinks milk, you know that shit was squirted out of them wiggly plump fingery boys dangling off an animal with like 87 stomachs right?

Keep scrolling! You're almost there! Don't give up!

just spell stuff however you want, who gives a shit anymore

Pardon me while I burst into flames

This year is the 100th anniversary of the discovery of PCP just in case you wanted a reason tear a car door off with your bare hands in celebration

Can you tell the universe that I’m done learning lessons

One microtransaction away from bankruptcy

that was more American than America

usa curling team member thinking about that ipa

peak male performance

My favorite part about sports is when they get to watch slow ball footage to see if the ball was in an okay place

Computer: your password has been compromised

Me: so has the presidency of the United States. im sure everything will be fine

I was not made for difficult times. I was made to live in a captive pleasure dome on some alien planet

is there a starter pack for idiots because i belong in that one

it’s my god given right as an american to lie to my doctor

It’s not delivery, it’s depression.

shaq missed a huge entrepreneurial opportunity not patenting shaquille oatmeal

you’ve heard of dude wipes now get ready as i launch: dude therapy

suckin’ on that chili dog to completion

let people be wrong about you, there's power in silence

Someday I hope I can crack my neck so well that my head completely falls off

I sleep on my side to give ghosts the option of little or big spoon

the nba postponed a game because the united states government is killing its citizens