Queen RanDumb

god's toughest challenges* go to god's bravest soldiers

*opening the chapstick cap with lotioned hands

Don’t even get me started on Highlights!! It’s probably best if you find a safe house for a few days. I’ll carrier pigeon you when it’s safe to emerge.

Everything bad is good again.
Please rain on my parade.
Lose your purpose.
Two wrongs make you strong.

No one cared enough though. We were just cogs in the machine, man.

I’m not convinced they weren’t somehow the same person.

I thought this read: nazi red. You and I were about to have a completely different sort of interaction lol

𝘙𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺’𝘴 𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘺 is my favorite film about deviled eggs.

who called it a bathroom pass and not a pissport

Bluesky went down for me for over an hour and I had to find other things to do. Long story short,

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!

ME: *orders in fluent French to impress you*

WAITER: Sir, this is a Japanese restaurant.

ME: ¡Dios mío!

When Lionel Richie said “all night long” I felt that

Todays "Trust me bro" fact of the day: Waldo was a defective secret agent and we were being used in an effort by the underground belly of the government to find him.

Donate to Help Public Sq Kitties Secure a Safe Haven for Strays, organized by Theodore Holiday We're Public Sq Kitties of Nelsonville, a small local stray cat… Theodore Holiday needs your support for Help Public Sq Kitties Secure a Safe Haven for Strays

Just a bit of serious this morning. If interested, give a little if not, the ridiculous skeets will resume momentarily. Thank you! gofund.me/453cddd5f

She always gets immediately forgiven

Love/hate it so much lol

lol you might be surprised to hear this but no, it twasn’t a giraffe.

When you think you have it figured out, NOPE! Thrown another curveball. Usually the shape/size is also just a bit off. So muscle memory can no longer be trusted.

This did in fact not help in the way you thought it would. But thank you nonetheless. (For the added heart pain).

If it weren’t for the low hanging fruit, I’d never eat.

Guess I’ll just go to bed now WITH AN ACHY HEART

It’s on a crazy level how badly I wanna smooch her.

lol back atcha 😂🩵

Butthole 🙃

*slow clap*

About as magical as a flaccid unicorn.

This could have been a draft.

I don’t know how to get old without becoming either miserable or stupid

I think you’re right

She had some about an hr ago. Din din is an hour and a half. I’ll be sure to tell her how great she is though 😊

Wanting to and being capable to are vastly different for her lol