Goop

it really is an ouroboros

I'm food handler certified, but I cannot get a job as a dishwasher to save my life

and oh damn does it suck this endless churn of applying

my last job offer, that I accepted, retracted! for poor credit

I have poor credit, because I've been out of a job, and into medical debt, that's selling off

standing in a hot shower and parts of my body are cold as ice, like my shoulders, and my tummy :(

I wish I had the financial resources to even get to the root cause of why I freeze @ sub 80 degrees and shiver nasty like it's -35, when I am stressed out

my nervous system quite literally panics and I'm unsure if its seizure activity or what

Shivering in a hot shower bc that’s normal

Had to take panic meds woo being stranded at the doctors sucked but I managed to make it home

Holy fuck things suck rn

I am kind of stranded here bc of surge pricing w/ Uber and no public transit back home 😢

100 to get to my docs and home
150 for my visit and labs, I need help again jfc

This is it for my doctors at least

40 min follow up next month

And of course I can’t survive the 120 degree summer temps coming in 2 months

6000 job applications 200 interviews 10 job offers, and 1 job that damaged my physical health in 1 day & stole my paycheck

A year of effort to find anything

I am struggling!

Halt job offers credit check retracted, the rest too far to commute w/o a car or knowing how to drive

Ugh doctors today. Time to drain my bank once more

Quite literally arm and a leg

Oh yeah and Gilbert is the most beautiful green rich Lucious overdeveloped 65+ place I’ve seen

It’s an oasis in the desert quite literally it is also the most bougie place I’ve seen and I’ve been all over

So this map essentially is top 30 beneficiary cities & ofc

All of those are independent cities though. Mesa is an outlier of the valley and any diverse individual regards it with a grimace even locally lol

Nextdoor be like “why are grown adult Mormons soliciting a lone child at the park, like that’s okay?” And yeah

Big tithe money.

Peoria is like Alexandria VA, Chandler is a finance hub

Mesa of all places is like the HOA capital

Ffs near everything on this map is just where wealthy people prosper 😭

Wildly Mesa is a mormon cult city,

Scottsdale has more money in generational wealth than Beverly Hills and is arguably the richest place I have seen

While most jobs be like 15/hr

I feel this. I feel like my life is funnily enough calling me to that area

its especially frustrating w/ my displacement

tho after I lost medicaid in Maine, it was fair game for struggle in any state

though most have their medicaid program more situated. this place is outsource corporate hell

I’ve felt like the magic is gone.
But I still find ways to find it.

I can’t be so critical to myself over the harms done unto me. I only want to live past it all already

Mmm I still feel terribly traumatized from what happened last year.

I have to be reminded every day that I am loved

Came home, did so much survey work for near nothing

My head is gonna explode from stress. I need a hug

I need this done to me 😔

Thank yall for the help today. I won’t go hungry and my appointment is at least covered for when I reschedule to go in

Ubering there, and having to Uber back after being told doc wouldn’t be in today, hurt. But I’ve skirted being stranded, or hungry

Hugs

I lost an already accepted job offer to a credit check that had them lose confidence in me. What hope do I have

I already have to file chapter 11 in my 20s, without ever financing a thing, getting a credit card or a loan

Because this debt sell off into collections ruined my future, bc I’m unemployed and looking for work w/ chronic care conditions

I can’t stay alive unless I do this? So I just have to

I’m over myself.

really hurt to spend my remaining money, to get told to come back another day, & that I can trust that itll still count as a front deposit to attend the appointment,

and not go into my remainder & rebilled for my next visit

what is credit and SSN good for

I wish I could fix what’s wrong. I wish I wasn’t another example of someone suffering in this systemic struggle.

I wish I had answers. I have so much in me, but the opportunities are behind lock and key. I have no choice but to starve, even, due to my vital dependency to access care

I have 2 shirts 1 pair of pants 1 pair of shoes, this phone. Everything else to my name is a donation or a compassionate opportunity, even my housing.

I am a ghost, trying to access care, and find a right, find belonging, to exist, to get and keep a job, to have any permanence.

I cannot articulate, there are no words for how much of a travesty this is. No. Just no. This isn’t okay.

I’ve sacrificed My credit, my future, my life, my everything, my belongings even.

I’ve given everything and it’s not enough, to access healthcare, and the system still wants MORE

It’s a shitstorm. It really takes the piss. I’m mad. I am mad about this. I have been here, trying to get on Medicaid for 8 months. I hate this. This is terrible