The Pumpkin Dipshit

We would love to imply that we're fixing them but actually fixing them is NOT in the cards

when everything is fucked and everybody sucks, you just wanna hear somebody say it in plain language

not some dracula bullshit

what's our business model?

SELL PRODUCT

what outcome will each of us die to prevent??

SELL PRODUCT

nah man it's incredible business strategy to lock up all the video games and then be so understaffed that it takes 45 of god's own minutes to actually find somebody who's allowed to unlock one for you

this one's a real masterclass in clueless fakery. I would grab a couple screenshots but honestly read the whole thing.

Non-answer after non-answer with an undercurrent of "if we don't change anything at the policy level but do tell the product team to stock more creatively, we can win people back"

Dang all of these are between 95 and 03, it's almost like the things that get into your brain while it's still forming never really leave

In vaguely chronological order: Command and Conquer, Alpha Centauri, Homeworld, Ocarina of Time, Baldy Gate, Skies of Arcadia, Fire Emblem, Star Wars Rebellion, Freelancer

So what is this supposed to be? 9 games we have instead of a personality?

"I just don't understand how so many men could be watching pornographic material featuring a group of people they clearly hate"

That's just women! that's all women, that's all types of women, the incel wants to jerk off to porn with women in it and also hate women, this is not a new thing

Discord knockoff called peacecord where all channels on all servers are muted by default and you can only put them on unmute for a day at a time

Golden Age Superman stands head to thigh alone in a panel black at the top and red on the bottom where Superman stands pointing at the reader as he says, "Be wary of unscrupulous operators of gambling games--they are always on the look out for unsuspecting victims."

Fundamentally an idea like "the end of history" can only come out of an analysis that's stubbornly ignorant of capitalism as a factor in geopolitics. The idea that the prosperous American middle class was an end to be emulated and not a hog to be slaughtered and harvested can only arise that way.

"dad, what's 3x13?"
"39"
"Is 39 prime?"
"Well, gosh, bud. I think it might just be divisible,,, by 3,,, and 13"

Hash tag math homework

If they get one more stamp on their "brutalize the civilian populace then get mad that the populace doesn't unite with them against their regime" card, they get a free sundae 😇

Great Wolf Lodge is stealing rapture valor because everything about that place and its vibes and its branding screams "run by a megachurch" but it's just owned by private equity

It's still extremely funny how predictable it is that being a Trump underling whose name is in the papers ends with a knife in the back.
They're all lining up to be the 50th, 51st, 52nd stooge in the list of unanimous backstabs and falling-outs doing the "maybe it'll work for us" meme in their heads

Really surprised to learn that Mr beast has rightwing politics I assumed the dead faced celebrity millionaire people torture spectacle guy was left wing and had a politics of eliminating systemic exploitation and suffering

The Gang Learns That Sometimes You Need Boring People Who Know How To Do The Actual Work, Even When The Work Is Death Squads

Oh wait, they're nominating Mullin?

Nevermind

That shows a fuckin mess man, watching it for any reason other than gawking at what a wreck it is, is highly suspect

These two in particular being in the bag for platner is a smoking gun as far as I'm concerned

get his ass

no I didn't. That isn't true.

China has the Belt and Road Initiative

future good vibes america could have the Loosen Your Belt And Take A Load Off Initiative

Cubs are the Midwest Mets in terms of having their own weird thing (w flag culture, wrigleyville's whole deal),
cardinals could be the silly guys if the "used to be the divisional bully" hangover ever ends,
brewers are the Oaf Team, which is a lot like a silly guy,

the reds also exist.

silly guy status now passes to the central, where the vibes are NOT fun, but some of the guys might still be silly.

luxardo cherries are an incredible way to find yourself saying "oh god this jar was like twenty bucks and it's empty already"

was it the kids watching big bang theory? or the boomers?

get a guy who can do the bom ba ba bom ba bom ba bom bom part of the marcels version of blue moon

how to fool people into thinking you've read books, as long as they don't ask any follow-up questions, don't care about the books, and barely care about you

A sea of people, and,, a people of sea