LovelyDeep

Taking a nap about it

I’ve been watching sped up videos of bread and pastries being baked on TikTok and I’ve never been hornier.

mental foreplay

what a gift it is to be well loved

The gap in my resume is from being released into the wild.

Same!

Someone told me my skeets were gross and stupid, and I’ve never been more proud of myself.

My brain reads like Stephen King, Edgar Cayce and old issues of TV GUIDE thrown into a blender.

Life is just full of parking lots that I’d wait for you in.

To add a little whimsy to your day why not get a squeaky toy surgically implanted into your buttocks and just marvel at the endless hilarity that ensues every time you sit down?

if daylight savings interrupted happy hour it would be long gone

🏆

I can never walk past a sugar maple without saying I’d tap that

Coffee keeps the plot moving in my story.

i envy the optimism of people who carpet the bathroom

If I ever go behind your back it just means I’m horny and want to fuck.

This day in history. 2013. Singer and quick as lightning guitarist Alvin Lee died following heart surgery. An autopsy revealed resting in his chest cavity two souvenir Alvin Lee guitar picks and a Junior Mint.

Tariffs killed my Sea-Monkeys.

keep your enemies close, but your amenities closer

she had the grippiest socks in the whole asylum

Find someone who gives you orgasms you think might kill you.

if you can’t find your way to me among my eleven pillows on my bed then that’s your problem pumpkin

whiskey, weed, wish you were here

The gap in my resume? That’s when I worked at the Gap, dumbass

as the dalai lama once said: give a wham give a bam but don’t give a damn

Who called them sea monkeys when shrimpanzees was right there?

It’s Friday.

Get your buttholes ready.

Shut the fuck up (politely)

I’m eating Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for breakfast, medicinally

Go live? It takes every fiber of my effort just to assemble these words.