Wondermark Comics

A smartphone is on an end table. It's balancing up on end, and speaking, so maybe it's animate? This is unclear. SMARTPHONE: Hey! HEY! The phone is speaking to PORDLEY, who is trying to practice the piano. He looks up at the phone which is addressing him on its own. SMARTPHONE: I can't help but notice you've been holding me less. I MISS you. I miss your nimble TAPS and SWIPES. PORDLEY: It's because you're a PORTAL to HORRORS! Nothing personal. It's just...you ARE a PORTAL. And there are SO VERY MANY horrors. SMARTPHONE: I'm a portal to EVERYTHING. Don't you want to see GOOFS AND SPOOFS? You LOVE goofs and spoofs! PORDLEY: I DO love goofs and spoofs. SMARTPHONE: I've got SO MANY goofs and spoofs. Pordley, convinced, reaches tentatively for the phone... HORRORS ERUPT FROM THE PHONE. Of course! Of course!!!

They're still out there. The goofs and spoofs. If we can only find them.

Wondermark #1582; Limit Your Scream Time

bsky.app/profile/wond...

I'm going to say yes because it makes me seem smart and worldly

Surely the latter. This was a very early comic, this dude was in a clip-art book. Trader Joe's uses him too.

Luckily he has been quarantined safely atop a tree for all these years

It has been 23 years since we have last seen these characters. ARGREENO now has a long white beard. He is bringing a basket to a large tree. A familiar voice replies from up the tree. ARGREENO: Got some chicken tacos tonight. PICKET (from up in the tree): Thanks, man. I’ll have those spreadsheets back to you later this week. My wifi’s been spotty. ARGREENO: You want me to move the router closer? PICKET: Nah, I think I just need to restart. Suddenly, Argreeno sees something approaching from the left. ARGREENO: Whoop — Code Papa. PICKET: Copy that It’s PICKET SR., still flying around, his hairline a little higher, more wrinkles around his eyes. But looking fit otherwise. PICKET SR.: PLEASE… My son is STILL missing…* PICKET SR.: Would you please look around ONE MORE time? (*A footnote advises us to see Part 1, Wondermark #024, which was published 23 years ago) ARGREENO: You come by every year! I HAVEN’T SEEN your dang SON! It’s been DECADES! PICKET SR.: I KNOW, but…that SO looks like the flying machine he absconded on. That’s why I keep retuning. Behind the tree is something that looks a whole lot like the bottom half of a pedal-copter. ARGREENO: As I’ve told you MANY times, that’s just our hummingbird feeder. You want me to look around again? FINE. Doot doot doo, I don’t see him. MRS ARGREENO now enters, carrying her typical pickax. MRS ARGREENO: What’s the commotion? ARGREENO: THIS flying deadbeat thinks we’ve been sheltering his missing son and feeding him chicken tacos in return for him doing the bookkeeping for our Christmas tree farm. ARGREENO: It’s absurd. PICKET SR.: It’s just…the thing is… I KNOW that NO hummingbird would be attracted to such dull colors. ARGREENO: YEAH! We friggin’ HATE hummingbirds! Because they remind us of YOU!

...How it's going:

Wondermark #1581; The Longest, Most Fruitless Search

(continued from part 1)

Here comes PICKET on his little pedal-copter! He pedals up to ARGREENO, who is carrying a pine tree, as is his wont. PICKET: Quick! Don't ask questions, just hide me! Argreeno hides Picket behind the tree. But now here comes PICKET SR., flying up, a contraption on his back holding him aloft. PICKET SR.: You there! Have you seen my son go by? He's infected by a terrible virus that will kill one-third of the earth's population, making five-eights of those remaining lactose intolerant while granting amazing super-powers to a quarter of the remainder! PICKET SR.: Well, come on, then, either you've seen him or you haven't. ARGREENO: Wait, no, start over. I was always bad at math.

How it started:

Wondermark #024; In which factors Public Health

JERMETHY is back at the ol' workshop, tinkering with a device that resembles a jar with a bunch of valves and an enormous protruding wheel. He's got his glasses up on his forehead as he concentrates on the task. LORLA pokes her head in. She’s wearing a long knit sweater and a cozy-looking scarf. This isn’t relevant to the story but I want to call it out. LORLA: Are you STILL tinkering with that? You said you were giving it up. JERMETHY: I had a new idea for it. LORLA: You told me “I don’t care if this can somehow be made to work, it’s not worth the effort.” You said “I’m going to give it up, SPECIFICALLY as PRACTICE in giving up. Deciding it’s DONE and putting it on a shelf.” YOUR words were “It’s about FOCUS and PRIORITIES and practicing CONTROL over my impulses.” JERMETHY: I did say all that. JERMETHY: But IT was not LISTENING. A new idea came to me, just to SPITE me JERMETHY (scowling): And I’ll be DAMNED if I let it TAUNT me! LORLA: What you KEPT REPEATING was “Discipline!” JERMETHY: Oh, I’m gonna discipline this naughty thing all right.

Sometimes it's impossible to do anything, sometimes it's impossible to NOT do anything.

Wondermark #1580; What’s Undone is Undead

[Two people sit on chairs in a home, a music playing device of some sort visible behind them.] JORELLE: Jorban, can you turn on some soft Christmas music? JORBAN: Sure, I can find a streaming channel [The soft sounds of 'O Holy Night' fill the air.] JORELLE: Ahhh...that's nice and relaxing. [The music gives way to a commercial at top volume, bowling them both out of their seats] RING IN THE NEW YEAR DOWN AND DIRTY WITH TOPLESS VODKA'S FULL-BREASTED FRIDAYS! COMING TO A SPORTS BAR NEAR YOU! SIX POINT NINE PIECES OF CHICKEN AND A WET T-SHIRT CONTEST FOR TEN COLD HARD SMACKEROONIES. CLICK THIS AD OR VISIT TOPLESS VODKA DOT BOOB FOR TOUR DATES! please drink responsibly [The two peek out from behind the furniture as the channel resumes the music with 'Away in a Manger'] JORBAN: Just have the free plan. JORELLE: I gathered

Ah, the peaceful sounds of the season. So soothing

Wondermark #1579; In which Music is enjoyed

A monstrous, bolted-together creature speaks with a soldier. SOLDIER: WELL! Aren't YOU looking all hale and vimful! Wait, does that mean bad? I mean bad. You look real bad. CREATURE: I have no idea how I look because I cannot move my neck and I am terrified of mirrors. But I FEEL awful! CREATURE: I got three main problems going on. One: SPLITTING headache. Migraine would be a MERCY. CREATURE: Two: A MAD SCIENTIST of some sort seems to have ASSEMBLED me using cast-off body parts and miscellaneous junkyard finds. I do NOT remember going to bed like this. CREATURE: And three: I SOMEHOW have to explain that there's a new Wondermark card game crowdfunding RIGHT NOW! In which players race to build weird characters like me! SOLDIER (sotto): You're not WEIRD. You're SAD and it makes you FEEL weird CREATURE (indicating a huge sandwich board): But how am I gonna DO it? You can't link out on IG! I gotta do 'link in bio,' UGH! I brought this big QR CODE sign, but I got NO clue if THAT'S gonna work in this context SOLDIER: Don't forget, I think you're supposed to end with some kind of joke or punchline. SOLDIER: ARRGHH!!! Now I got FOUR problems!

BONUS COMIC: When Bolted! first launched, I made this comic for the places where links are throttled or difficult -- a customized version for Instagram (here), Facebook, and GoComics.

Bluesky never saw it, because you can link readily on Bluesky! All I have to do is post a link like this. Easy

The game...she groans in the first stirrings of life...the lightning crackles, the thunder roars! The time is drawing near! What rough, bolted thing slouches toward Bethlehem, &c...!

Haha, I guess I never updated the store image to the color version. Easter egg!

Greeting Card (Holidays) - “Jingle Them Halfway” INSIDE: Hope your holidays are successful! (Originally published as a Wondermark comic strip.) Card measures 5.5" x 4.25". Printed on premium linen cardstock. Envelopes included. Volume discounts app...

store.wondermark.com/collections/...

[[two men are singing outside, caroling]] left man: Jingle bells! right man: Jingle bells! both: Jingle them halfway! left man: Oh what fun-- right man: What's wrong? [[right man looks concerned]] right man: Listen, man. I've been thinking. I know this is crazy, but hear me out. right man: What if we -- this is gonna sound stupid-- right man: What if we jingled right man: ALL the way? [[LATER]] [[both men are now nesltled among many large bags labeled with dollar signs]] right man: Wooooo {{header: oh what fun at WONDERMARK.COM}} {{alt-text: The future is written by the ones who follow the craziest ideas.}}

Sometimes you just gotta zig when everyone else thinks you'll zag.

Wondermark #779; The Breakthrough

Bolted! Designer Diary Longread | David Malki ! Get more from David Malki ! on Patreon

Here's a Designer Diary about Bolted!'s development!

Even though it spotlights my more doofus choices and missteps, I trust that some readers may take heart at how a polished outcome can be the result of a long, winding, and setback-filled process...

Bolted Design Diary Longread

Bonus comic: Tiff & Eve Crossover | David Malki ! Get more from David Malki ! on Patreon

don't miss a shocking behind the scenes bonus fact in this free post: www.patreon.com/posts/146159...

Here's Fran's original script, verbatim: (Tiff is wrapping gifts, Eve enters) Eve: "Is that your white elephant gift for the party?" Tiff: "Yup! I just finished wrapping it." Eve: "Oh, I haven't done that yet. Mine's trickier to package." Tiff: "Bring it in and I can help you." Tiff: "The key is finding the right edges and having the paper fold with them." Tiff: "what'd you get anyways?" Eve (yanking reins into panel with a large white trunk and tusks appearing.)

This comic was created as part of a "Secret Santa" comics exchange. These characters are Tiff and Eve, and this strip was written by Fran Sundblad, the author of the comic Tiff 🏳️‍⚧️ & Eve, and rendered in Wondermark style by me.

🔗 Original Reddit post
cc: @tiffandevecomics.bsky.social

Two men, LENID and RINNY, are browsing a Christmas tree lot. Lenid looks admiringly at a big bushy tree. LENID: What do you think of this one? RINNY: Yeah! Looks great. I'll get in line to pay. LENID: Don't you want to look at any others? RINNY: WHY? This one's fine! Good choice! Let's get it and be done! LENID: We JUST GOT here! RINNY: And now we can MINIMIZE our time here to go enjoy the REST of our life! LENID: Just take one walk around. See if there are any other contenders. RINNY (rolling his eyes): Fine Rinny walks among the other trees, dismissing each handily. RINNY: No. No. No. Inferior. Inferior. Inferior... Actually, THIS one's pretty. Let me see the one you chose again? LENID: SEE? Aren't you GLAD I made you look? RINNY: I'm SORRY, trees! You all seem perfectly nice! But we INSIST on making all but ONE of you into LOSERS we have to ACTIVELY REJECT! We could have ben TEN BLOCKS AWAY by now but INSTEAD we're gonna make you ALL feel bad!

do you gotta personify the dead trees in the vacant lot too. they're having a hard enough time without you imagining they have an opinion about what's happening

Wondermark #1578; In which Trees are a Lot

Here is a video of a collage I made. Plus: Bolted! bonus cards The Kickstarter campaign for my card game Bolted! is chugging along nicely! We were recently named a Kickstarter "Project We Love," which is lovely. Thank you, Kickstarter, for loving this project. Th...

Here's a blog post all about the 3 different bonus cards you can get with Bolted!

wondermark.com/here-is-a-vi...

A guy with a Napoleon III mustache is consulting a newspaper and speaking with a fellow sporting epaulets. FAUXPOLEON: I heard — and I don’t know if it’s true — that DOGS are just genetically modified HUMAN INFANTS. Isn’t that OUTRAGEOUS? Who DID that? What ELSE don’t we know about dogs?? E’PAUL: That is not true. FAUXPOLEON: I don’t KNOW if it’s true or not. But just think of what it MEANS! People EXPERIMENTING on BABIES! E’PAUL: Indeed. Good thing it’s not true! FAUXPOLEON: You gotta ADMIT that it’s SCARY to think about! E’PAUL: As a thought experiment? Okay. As a falsehood examined AS a falsehood on its face? Okay. E’PAUL: As a valid piece of actual real information worth debating as if it WERE true when it is demonstrably NOT? No. FAUXPOLEON: It MIGHT be true! E’PAUL: It is not. FAUXPOLEON: It might be SOMEDAY. E’PAUL: Okay. FAUXPOLEON: What should we DO about it? E’PAUL: Nothing. FAUXPOLEON: You’re so PASSIVE. You never want to take a STAND. E’PAUL: For… for DOGS BEING INFANTS? This is the hill you want to die on, huh

terrifying if true!

Wondermark #1020; The Unknown Knowns

• Mon Dec 8 • 3:15pm Pacific • Very Rude Block
🥷 Christopher Hastings (Rude Tales of Magic, Dr. McNinja)
🎨 Carly Monardo (Rude Tales of Magic, Birdgirl)
🦢 Branson Reese (Rude Tales of Magic, Swan Boy)
  • Tue Dec 9 • 6pm Pacific • Audio Heroes Block
🪕 Molly Lewis (Mollylele)
🎹 Seth Boyer (Skulltenders)
🎤 Jordan Morris (Jordan Jesse Go, Youth Group)
  • Wed Dec 10 • Time TBD • Atlantic Coast Block 
🤖 Jeph Jacques (Questsionable Content)
🦒 Colleen AF Venable (Kiss Number 8, Katie the Catsitter)
🐐 Jon Rosenberg (Goats, Scenes From a Multiverse)
  • Thu Dec 11 • 12:15pm Pacific • Super Stylish Block
👑 Dylan Meconis (Queen of the Sea)
👻 Kaylee Rowena (Haunts)
🏞️ Kendra P. (Fairmeadow)
  • Fri Dec 12 • 1:15pm Pacific • Rad Artists Block
🤼 Scott C. (Great Showdowns, Cabin Head and Tree Head)
🪓 Shing Yin Khor (The Legend of Auntie Po)
🐻 Cat Farris (My Boyfriend is a Bear)
  • Sun Dec 14 • 4:15pm Pacific • Autodidact Block
🥣 Zach Weinersmith (SMBC)
🦾 Senna Diaz (Dresden Codak)
🦜 Kevin McShane (Kevin Comics, Buzzfeed)
  • Mon Dec 15 • 2pm Pacific • Creator Plays Solo Mode
🎩 David Malki ! (The creator of this game)
Assisted & observed by 🐾 Sam Logan (Sam & Fuzzy)

Bolted! Game Box

HOLY HECK this is a DOOZY of a week for Bolted! livestreams! Just look at this list!!

LATER TODAY:
Christopher Hastings @drhastings.bsky.social
Carly Monardo @whirringblender.bsky.social
Branson Reese @bransonreese.bsky.social

Previous sessions & live calendar links are on the Kickstarter page

Four panel comic using old newspaper illustrations of dogs as a political parable- a dog on the “Dog Council” proclaims it is anti-bone, but not *really;* it only claims to be so because it’s voters elected it to do so, but states that it’s views will be so extreme no one will agree. Thus, it will maintain a support base w/o actually doing anything harmful. By the end the “strategy” has fully backfired & the dog is doubling down on even worse measures to vote on while they keep getting passed

For no reason whatsoever thinking about this @davidmalki.com Wondermark comic again

DAD (to girl sitting on the ground): How's the homework coming? DAD: Jamie? How's the otter report? DAD: Jamie? [The girl suddenly turns into a bat-headed creature] GRAARRR! DAD: Oh, hey, Deimos. Thought you were Jamie. DEIMOS: She's in the family room.

Deimos is from Wondermark #115

I have a multi-part Deimos followup scripted just waiting for the right time

OMG it's Deimos

Post by @davidmalki · 9 images 💬 0  🔁 0  ❤️ 0 · Here are some Thanksgiving-themed Wondermark comics from over the years!

here are a bunch of Thanksgiving-themed Wondermark comics: www.tumblr.com/davidmalki/8...

ABATHA opens the front door to great GLENGIS, who is dressed in a Roman centurion helmet and what appears to be a bird beak mask. He also has huge sideburns/dundrearies but I think those are just his vibe. ABATHA: Hey, it’s Glengis! Glad you could make it to Thanksgiving! GLENGIS: Trick or treat! ABATHA: Go on. GLENGIS: I’m treating our culture’s MADE-UP RITUALS as interchangeable. We’ve inherited an astonishing agreed-upon symbology and it only ever gets put to the SAME OLD USES! It’s like learning the alphabet and then ONLY using it to sing variations on the alphabet song! GLENGIS: So I’m trying to spell NEW WORDS with it all. From now on, I eat turkey on Flag Day, shoot fireworks on Valentine’s Day, and drink green beer for eight WILD AN’ CRAZY nights! ABATHA: Cool. And what about the people you interact with in social settings, who are just going to assume you’re deranged? GLENGIS: Well THEY might end up finding rotten eggs in their stockings come Fourth of July!

there's one in every friend group

Wondermark #1360; Set the Calendar to Shuffle

A beautiful photo of a Bolted! composite creature who is lovely and perfect

Today's Bolted! livestream is the GOOD AS HELL BLOCK! Join us at 5:15 pm Pacific / 8:15 pm Eastern for a game with:

SARA McHENRY! @saramchenry.bsky.social
TOM McHENRY! @tommchenry.bsky.social
JESS FINK! @jessfink.bsky.social
ERIC COLOSSAL! @ericcolossal.bsky.social

• Stream
• Get the game!

I think that might be the point

Pemsbrey sits, glum and dejected, at his favorite table. Robotecca, his automaton assistant with huge naturals, stands waiting to give her sage advice. PEMSBREY: Robotecca, I ain’t feeling too good. ROBOTECCA: My programmed response is to say words that express a sympathy I can not truly feel. PEMSBREY: I get it. Ain’t too different from people in that way. PEMSBREY: Everyone’s out to shut me up or shut me down. And I mean, EVERYONE! I live the most PERSECUTED life IMAGINABLE! ROBOTECCA: This information is noted and added to memory. PEMSBREY: Why are things so HARD. Why can’t I just be HAPPY? ROBOTECCA: It’s a good question—one worthy of serious contemplation. It seems like your feelings are quite justified. ROBOTECCA: After all, everyone is out to shut you up or shut you down. Astonishing as it may sound, you live the most persecuted life imaginable. PEMSBREY (agitated): I KNEW IT!

I mean, an echo is technically a second opinion

Wondermark #1577; The Objective Oracle

It was a gift