Ayatollah Assahola

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I don't even drink but I will

Twitter Jack didn’t even understand Twitter, why are people asking him about other stuff? (Yes I’m still bitter about being banned repeatedly)

Thank you for saying that

Come here and snuggle bb

Blowing the dust off my 2003 bumper sticker that says REGIME CHANGE BEGINS AT HOME

Costco CEO says any tariff refunds it gets will flow back to members through 'lower prices and better values' Costco challenges the US government over IEEPA tariffs, with CEO Ron Vachris pledging to pass refund benefits to members.

Costco is now demanding that Trump pay them back for his tariffs so they can refund all of their customers.

Three panel comic. Panel 1: the set of that modern internet dating show with the balloons (not sure what it’s called but I’m seeing clips constantly). The host stands in front of a lineup of woman holding red balloons. She says to the eligible bachelor out of frame, “tell these ladies about yourself.” Panel 2: the eligible bachelor is a moose. He says, “so basically I’m a moose.” Panel 3: all but one woman pops their balloon, signaling their disinterest.

*Gwen Stefani voice*

I want this cake for my next birthday

Pork shoulder steak but thanks for the vote of confidence

I'm late but instead of a thirst trap here's a hunger trap . I like cooking

Tempted to reply to this job application with " A family walks into a talent agency..."

And we pan the camera to reveal...

Choosing a PlayStation 5 over an Xbox One is my first Sony purchase in over twenty years if that's any indicator of how bad Microsoft screwed up my brand loyalty

Ha

Markwayne is the white equivalent of those racist limonjello and orangello jokes

My mom the nurse says that means you have significant stress from bacteria inflammation or tissue damage probably related to your toe

He has been replaced by Kristi Noem

No, my son is also named Markwayne

I would like to use my area of expertise here to contextualize Markwayne's undefeated MMA career. He beat a guy who entered the fight 1-0, then he beat a guy who was 1-8. His third win was beating that second guy again. That's it. That's the MMA career people love bringing up.

Turns out lawlessness is not a winning strategy. See you at Nuremberg 2.0

Kristi Noem spending the next month wondering where the hell Dean Ambrose is