smillz

“Ugh I doubt the warranty covers this”

The pastry said it gets told it looks like a Krispy Kreme but at the big reveal it’s actually a Pop Tart

a message from la croix boi that reads “hockey is a fake sport” received 2 minutes ago

i am constantly insulted on this platform

I’d go on Love is Blind if there was a donut on the other side of the pod

Ok but what if you were hoping for an old fashioned and it turned out to be a cruller

McTavish 👀

Was there any eye roll related damage?

Oh you don’t like zima?
Here have some boonsfarm

taking inspiration from pigeon nests by placing a couple of sticks around my last remaining brain cell and hoping for the best

the fact that the members are in their 40's and 50's now makes me suspect that Backstreet's back is probably not, in fact, alright

the existence of windsocks implies the existence of earthsocks and firesocks

they should invent some mushrooms that make you see things rationally and with compassion

human bob tube pants

being tailgated by an altima, just as god intended

babe,, who tf is art deco

Technically, every lamp in Pompeii is a lava lamp

Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry

- God about to turn into Godzilla

Paramount won their bid for Warner Brothers by promising to make exciting new shows like “Real Housewives of Duluth” and “How I Passed My Drivers Test”

White people love to clap

First protein cigarette will go hard

Adding “Dairy” to my work experience with no context

Smoking a camel crush is the most bisexual I’ve ever felt

B as in Boy gotta be the most classic example

butts

just wait 'til the vanity plate people learn about t-shirts. that's gonna rock their world.

*unfollows, blocks* (flirtatiously)

The airport code for Charlottesville is CLT. I feel like they could have picked different letters.... Or just bucked up and added the 'i'

When Bob Marley wrote “don’t worry about a thing, everything’s gonna be alright” he wasn’t aware of all this. Or he was high. Or both.

I once considered becoming a priest. But I don’t really like kids that much.

I’ve never related to anything as much as Ruth on Ozark saying “I don’t know shit about fuck”.